Wednesday, September 21, 2005

oh, the places i've been: part 1

for frank.

understanding the desperations & thousands of small indignities are a part of the soul of a place.

so you've inspired me to reassess the painful pointy things of all my locations, going backwards in time.

& at least you finally felt that something i wrote was deserving of response.

so here's a piece, intact & unrevised from its time, from New Brunswick (which is most definitely a real place) for you.

i guess we only reveal our ignorance when we talk of the homes of others.

don't worry, i won't ask you to publish it.

Que ahora: an apology for sleeping through a schedule.

where to begin the morning the day the night the morning the unvented deepdowntown hardcore grief I'm dying (WE ARE DYING) I'm drinking if you begin to think me cynical me cyclical me me me don't care give a fuck give me a fuck (BANG) sketch scratch out the melodrama (IT'S ALL) and I saw you walking & you saw me did you recognize me dance on the inside (UPSIDE DOWN PINEAPPLE OVER THE WAREHOUSE GIRLCHILD STARED AT ME) Welcome please keep hands & tongues inside the poem for a pleasant flight a present fight enjoy the remnant of your state little black box little red cookbook notsolittle blackbird flew into my crown dying & screamed (LAUGHED INSANE & QUIPPED KHALIL GHIBRAN) well that's response for you(r) itinerary as follows: FRIDAY it's my singsong look ma no windows & isn't the bubble gorgeous wine me one glass house when the musical method is more important than ACTUAL (IS A STRANGE WORD) communication well Carolina we have a problem but Lordy look how we sleep in a bottle I'll show you genie if you KISS ME GOODNIGHT pop my cork SATURDAY of myths you never have a morning to spare despise me for this KNOW STREET FURTHER WITH MY EYES CLOSED sunrise piles hallucinations on my head O serenaded sirens water explosion the Presbyterian church is on fire in the dawn witness now-archetypal smoke plume situation THE SKY (IS FALLING) no the mystery source of whitehot marked black coallight infrasctructure of air my God isn't the disintegration of bricks a beautiful thing against the morning CHAOS ENSUES DIVERS ALARUMS FIRETRUCK but what happened to afternoon? I'm so damn tall maybe I'll find you but I never died in Asbury Park & who invited the ocean? I didn't know backstage was so green subvert me in the oldman tribal drums see see how I flail (MY VERTEBRAE ARE M.I.A. DID ANYONE SEE WHERE THEY TWISTED?) but I can't nail you to this floor you're greasy & on the clock with a bluebottle I'll survive (SPLIT ME CENTRALLY LOCATED CARPET PASS HIT PASSED IT OUT WHERE AM I) more information than you ever wanted too damn scattered for a mentor will you be my friend SUNDAY awake wake wake stop presenting surprises to my mailbox I'll beat you with your own lovely rock (THIS IS THE WORD ON THE STONE) days that disappear & cocaine desperate winners she never called as he waited with the wine & only orgasmic chicken remained how many conversations did you have today how many years burned well let's have a dusty vigil & I'll be the sane on a Sabbath (ISN'T THAT TERRIFYING) but wait did he say worth something dead (GOD I LOVE THIS SONG) see see a red flag she's listening to concrete blonde again Oh I'm fortune's flask (SPACE THE SPACE) ach lad you can sleep when you're dead (I'M DYING) what happened to that beautiful thing IMAGE: cold damned cold boy huddled in disaster relief bed gaunteyed witness waste such catatonic karma he watches ananda drip vein by vein into nipples the scheme of brainbattered awake wake wake every song says this better than I ever could wake (DRINK) UP this is all true enter MONDAY ouchouchouch kind of sunstorm system lo the light doth pierce my ears in safety pins I should have been where I wasn't & no one's really talking poetry here brokenwing beauty bird (AND EVERYONE) walk by pay no attention death throes & where would I take him to suffer blackredblueblack so on I heal nothing transcribe poems instead delicious delirious but I'VE GOT CAFFEINE PILLS yellow as a saving grace sinkhole down my letterphoto process of I REJECT YOU how to phrase the fuckoff or bury my bayonets somehow Once a girl spun lifted language contour visionary heartbreak-gorgeous THIS is the way I live wired fugitive mess drift SLEEP dreamshriek can't escape 4 a.m. no matter how fast I spiral spin top world mother save yr little girl mother mary fucker EEEK whence came all these bruises? VIVA LA LUNA I have no idea what's going on god save the TUESDAY surrealists & what's my dear the kettle of time soup (I'M DRINKING IT) yes darling do come by I'll smash you up bestow emblems of your misfortunate mindfuck & comatose already whirlheadwindeyes won't open so write my confessed over scrawl without a sight CAN'T I SLEEP just this once touch bear down hibernate greatcat alaskan voyage of lust you & your silk tundra you haven't heard a GODDAM THING I've said HAILMARYS & complete list of things on which to break the world who let the absurdists cream my pumpkin pie & WHAT'S HE DOING ON MY BED DIDN'T I INSIST ON NO SHAKESPEARE OUT OUT OUT you must forgive me I lost my larynx to the man from Rio & now I can only (SCREAM) gurgle mutter & so forth understand I could have been a Cadillac angel slam could have been but when you licked me awake (AGAIN) I was bitter & it was WEDNESDAY collapse exam? what exam? o fuck but it's all passion relational logic I may be useless but I'm sexy as hell it helps when I locate my ideal (LOVER LOSTLESS) weight in the bonetowns of appetite (IT'S BEEN DAYS) & I'm a cheap drunk this way open microphone dictate conversational anthropology drink thos Jack&gingers till I sing another dustdeal well twist my arm black-on-blacktie bartending mandolin stranger I played your chess oh do you want me too (IF I SO EXIST IN THIS SEX HEMISPHERE) none of them ugly there is no ugly here no don't let me drive (ME CRAZY ME SO PALE STONE) It's morning may I sleep now oh my dear vow there were so many nightmares select the specific in which I hurled alarm into stereo (SURROUND MY VERBATIM SOUND OF TRAINTHUNDER LOCKS) & everything is broken it's THURSDAY & I'm late (CONSECRATED MY FUTURE IN ONE TELEPHONE WEEP WEAKNESS) how to possibly deny the next hour I wonder one thousand what's nexts.

November, 2001, age 21.

7 little fish:

Anonymous Anonymous swam up to say...

Ahhhhh!!!!!Oh my God! Your killing me softly.

P.S. THIS IS YOUR MOTHER! still love you, Mum

8:32 PM  
Blogger jenn see swam up to say...

don't worry, mum, this was a long time ago...& i love you too.

8:57 PM  
Blogger theleftsock swam up to say...

pointy things, eh? i think i have one o them lyin around here somewhere.... let me see, now what to do with it?...
ah the saga continues.

9:09 PM  
Blogger jenn see swam up to say...

saga indeed. i'm feeling practically Norse.

10:55 PM  
Blogger forgottenmachine swam up to say...

Hey! Stop!

Did anyone see that girl? She just hurtled through my head and made a right mess of the place.

Come right back here and put everything back where it belongs!

Goddammit, did anyone see what she did with my preconceptions?

2:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous swam up to say...

Have larynx. Will return for.....


2:22 AM  
Blogger jenn see swam up to say...

sorry, machine, i'll see what i can do with some band-aids & a dustpan on my way back through...

a: what about one hundred small stones made smooth by the movement of the ocean?

12:33 PM  

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