tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-104867752024-03-26T04:48:49.316-04:00i am following my fishthe fish was once 1 of 111 bits of delirium. now -- is it a guide, a balloon on a string, or something much more zen? the quote comes from the sandman comics by neil gaiman, a series which has something of everything.
here is where we narrate our somethings of everything. with illustrations. she sings, & we follow our fish.mysfithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10165363384097411393noreply@blogger.comBlogger235125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10486775.post-88004568876473469832008-09-02T21:55:00.016-04:002008-09-02T22:40:01.643-04:00onward fish for today is a new dayit's finally complete! today marks the birth of the jan-ai scholarship website. thank you to all those who put such hard work into the site - it's lovely. from this day forth please go to <a href="http://www.jan-aischolar.org/" target="blank">http://www.jan-aischolar.org/</a> for further information. if you feel you can, please donate to help jennsee's legacy continue to aid and inspire young artists of all ages.<br /><br /><br />this fish is also archive fish. i will aspire to make backup versions of all fishy content in case the site ever goes underwater, but i will not post anything more to this site. i am sorry for those of you who, like me, wishes it would go on forever, but marching uphill is hard when you only have gills to breathe through. believe me, i will always cherish the fish and all our dear fishies who made it a wonderful ocean to swim in.<br /><br /><br />the following links are brought to you by the letter "J" and the nubmer 23:<br /><a href="http://www.jan-aischolar.org/" target="':blank">jan-ai scholarship</a><br /><a href="http://followingmyfish.blogspot.com/2006/06/good-night-sweet-fish.html" target="blank">memorial fish</a><br /><a href="http://followingmyfish.blogspot.com/2006/06/bonnaroo-fish-episode-05.html" target="blank">jennsee's last fish</a><br /><br />see the world through jennsee's lens: <a href="http://www.touristofeverything.blogspot.com/" target="blank">tourist of everything</a><br /><br />some specific archives:<br /><a href="http://followingmyfish.blogspot.com/2005/01/archive-writings-of-fish.html" target="blank">writings of the fish</a><br /><a href="http://followingmyfish.blogspot.com/2005/01/archive-fishlists.html" target="blank">fishlists</a><br /><a href="http://followingmyfish.blogspot.com/2005/01/archive-fish-eye-view.html" target="blank">fish-eyed views</a><br /><br /><br />alas it is time we part. "To absent friends, old gods and the season of mists; and may each and everyone of us always give the devil his due."<br /><br />farewell,<br />mysfitmysfithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10165363384097411393noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10486775.post-25314879853029866462008-03-21T02:05:00.004-04:002008-03-21T02:11:59.209-04:00happy birthday fish.<br /><br />happy vernal equinox. happy spring.<br /><br />like a story. you. from night into morning. from equinox to solstice. <br />balance to daylight. you.<br /><br />happy birthday fish.mysfithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10165363384097411393noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10486775.post-62153503478892253762007-09-05T10:09:00.000-04:002007-09-05T10:51:04.116-04:00<em>Sorry for the late notice folks.</em> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8xepJOaC7Xpq1nhLMjIrtNRKAfo6GtF6pt7WoURk_ThYn5Lhu21GIng1sVC2M1Or-faJ60B4rA1M-lSmC5UO3q8E8XPNLcXbcbqDYum1M4Pu4ONmCbxpmoVQtNvu9EqQofzVarg/s1600-h/jan-ai.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5106726899695313554" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8xepJOaC7Xpq1nhLMjIrtNRKAfo6GtF6pt7WoURk_ThYn5Lhu21GIng1sVC2M1Or-faJ60B4rA1M-lSmC5UO3q8E8XPNLcXbcbqDYum1M4Pu4ONmCbxpmoVQtNvu9EqQofzVarg/s320/jan-ai.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><div align="center"><em><span style="font-family:georgia;">The Jan-Ai Scholarship Fund<br />Requests the pleasure of your company at our<br /><strong>First Annual Fundraiser</strong> to<br />Provide scholarships to young, aspiring artists</span></em></div></br><div align="center"><em></em></div><div align="center"><em><strong>Photo Exhibit and Sale<br />Saturday, September 29, 2007<br />6:00 – 9:00 o’clock<br />The Atlantic City Art Center, Garden Pier<br />New Jersey Avenue & The Boardwalk<br />Atlantic City, NJ</strong></em></div><div align="center"><strong><em></em></strong></div></br><div align="center"><em>A celebration with music, wine and light fare<br />Silent Auction Included<br />Admission - $60 per person*<br />RSVP required (by Sept. 15)</em></div></br><div align="center"></div><div align="center"></div><div align="center"><strong>If you are interested please send me an email ASAP at </strong><a href="mailto:mysfit17@yahoo.com"><strong>mysfit17@yahoo.com</strong></a><strong> and I will forward you a formal invitation.</strong><br /><br /><br /></div><div></div>mysfithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10165363384097411393noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10486775.post-39980789131934763422007-09-04T18:45:00.000-04:002007-09-04T18:59:06.953-04:00converstaional farewell fish<em>The fish: I miss you.</em><br />mysfit: i know, i miss you too. but i miss—<br /><em>The fish: I know. </em><br />mysfit: you’re not mine, you know that, right? you never were. not jenn see’s, nor oldben’s; but a life that rose up through the interactions between the three of us and those who followed their own fishes here. i can’t do that alone, i’m sorry, i can’t shoulder that responsibility. i do still love you, though.<br /><em>The fish: But you’re leaving me, you’re—</em><br />mysfit: i’m not! or i already have. or – well – there’s the chaos journals for me and i thought i would try to keep this site up-to-date with scholarship fund info and maybe that wouldn’t be so emotionally draining, so, well so painful, you know. maybe it won’t be so tough.<br /><em>The fish: So that’s it, huh? That’s great. When it gets hard, when it gets tough, you—</em><br />mysfit: hey, i know this sucks, but i’ve got to try to start, if not over, then again. hell, I can’t even delete or update your dead links, like each change to the template takes her further away. it’s kinda like not giving you a bath, ever. i keep trying, but—honestly fish, i’m sick of feeling like my blogging life is trapped in the twilight world. there’s been some talk of—<br /><em>The fish: I hate when people talk behind my source code.<br /></em>mysfit: let me finish! there’s been talk, a lot of talk, recently about the potential strength of techno-friendships and looking through the archives, it just reminds me of what a vibrant and living site you were.<br /><em>The fish: I was magnificent wasn’t I?</em><br />mysfit: the best.<br /><em>The fish: You’ve been mostly absent for more than a year – what makes you think that the chaos journals will hold you here any more than I can?</em><br />mysfit: maybe they won’t. won’t know till i try will i?<br /><em>The fish: And you’ll visit?<br /></em>mysfit: and post about the Jan-ai Scholarship fund and maybe other things, as often as I can – we’ll see. until then – good night sweet fish.<br /><br /><br /><em>love, </em><br /><em>mysfit</em>mysfithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10165363384097411393noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10486775.post-26209390612216481472007-08-28T23:40:00.000-04:002007-08-28T23:51:34.561-04:00article linkfishfor those of you who are interested, here is the link to the article from the philly inquirer i mention in the below rant: <a href="http://www.philly.com/philly/entertainment/20070828_Proof_of_an_afterlife.html" target="_blank">Proof of an afterlife</a><br /><br />i agree with the comment that the reporter did a decent job capturing the friendship and love shown on the blogoshere. i have long held the view that humans are machines of communication, as we are constantly creating new methods to do just this. at the risk of sounding cheesy, i never really thought about the fact that these new methods also open up new ways of <span style="font-weight:bold;">experiencing</span> love.<br /><br />thank you all.<br /><span style="font-style:italic;"><br />love,<br />mysfit</span>mysfithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10165363384097411393noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10486775.post-56911066182329107012007-08-24T18:01:00.000-04:002007-08-24T19:45:34.056-04:00connectiveness and the fish (a rant)so this has been on my mind recently and i thought i would put it out there for those who still occasionally wander through the fish. the jan-ai scholarship fund has been going strong now for more than a year and we are constantly regaled with tales of how much the web-community (blog-community, photo-community, myspace-community, etc) has shown an outpouring of love for the jenn see. so much so that there is a reporter in philly who is doing an article on jenn and how her death affected her "web friends". <br /><br />it got me thinking. <br /><br />she kept saying that jenn's passing affected people who had "never met her" or "didn't know her". this is a misconception. those of you who interacted with jenn through the fish or through comments on your blog or through any of the myriad of places that she left large footprints of insight, wit and veracity, you met her in cyberspace and knew her well, somewhat or just in passing. just like anywhere else. jenn was jenn. she put everything she was in her posts and rarely held anything back when carrying on conversations, even if there were the delayed conversations of commentary or email. where i have cultivated mystery by refusing pictures or through my handle "mysfit", and others create whole new personalities for themselves, jenn see ('see' being the verbal pronunciation of her last initial) never went in for that kind of thing. she was her writings, her photography, her posts and they were her. your interactions were as real as you made them because hers were as real as she could make them.<br /><br />we live in a world that is suffering from separation anxiety and doesn't even know it. where i don't know my neighbors, can stay in my house connecting to you in your house and never see your face, never know your name and never know you. yet you are the christophers of cyberspace. you can change your name, your avatar-face, your personality from site to site, from post to post and it is only what you send out that i can read. but how much you can really hide in this virtual world is intertwined with how much i refuse to see. how different is this than in the mundane, non-digital world?<br /><br />things have certainly changed over the last 15 years but the internet got a bad wrap in its infant stage with all those sexual predators and became a perceived tool of deception. in a lot of ways this perception hasn't changed. as william gibson said in a recent interview, current technology makes it both harder and easier to keep secrets. (see article: <a href="http://www.avclub.com/content/interview/william_gibson/1" target="_blank">here</a>) identity theft, credit card fraud, email monitoring, ip tracking. the perceived stability of the internet is only a imagined security blanket and we all know it. data can be lost, corrupted, erased.<br /><br />in this world, is it any more surprising that people are astounded by the love and grief you, my fair fishies, have shown for the passing of a friend. perhaps our rioting call should be "a virtual friend but not a virtual friendship! not a virtual love!" jenn see was ever a being so full of creative and connective energy that her close friends (some she met on the web) couldn't help but feed on it and energy like that cannot be diminished except through nonuse. so when she felt trapped in a location where she wasn't comfortable, she spread her energy out into the blog community, into the internet, reminding us that this medium is not about information or about stealing from each other but about communication. she put her writing on the wall and though it is not forever, it is a really big fucking wall. over the miles and the years, you who connected to jenn see were reminded that there are other people sitting behind their computers and many of them, regardless of age, space or experience, are just like you.mysfithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10165363384097411393noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10486775.post-4896194730359605472007-06-22T10:49:00.000-04:002007-06-25T17:07:34.707-04:00“No good fish goes anywhere without a porpoise” -- Lewis CarrollDear fish,<br /><br />it’s amazing how a year can go by just like that. it’s just like Relativity to force each day to crawl by in agonizing slowness, but for a year to splash by like a raindrop. i blame Einstein - it <b>was</b> his idea after all.<br /><br />for those of you who have followed your fish to this site for the first time, know that today we are looking to the stars hoping for any sign of our <a href="http://followingmyfish.blogspot.com/2006/06/good-night-sweet-fish.html" target="_blank">missing fish</a>: <br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhv05WECT50UL3-m787XffGmqOG-dHTxm5yJU-k0hV_EjS4o9PzmbedLu_pXdF3aMe028woaEttgp4oNKCoUX9GcYbOfG1Dfj47HaWuYccfh4OXpne3izLxw8CEgIoK4ePI6rSOIw/s1600-h/umbrelllalalajjen.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhv05WECT50UL3-m787XffGmqOG-dHTxm5yJU-k0hV_EjS4o9PzmbedLu_pXdF3aMe028woaEttgp4oNKCoUX9GcYbOfG1Dfj47HaWuYccfh4OXpne3izLxw8CEgIoK4ePI6rSOIw/s320/umbrelllalalajjen.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5079006253522609026" /></a>for those of you looking for some connection, some words of comfort, some well, some kind of fish anyway, i have only a poor shadow of a dream to share, but hopefully it will suffice.<br /><br /><i>through many trials and tribulations, i descended through the house and out the backdoor. at the entrance to Styx Ave, a woman stopped me because i could not take a bottle of living water onto the street. i quickly drained the water, backing up only slightly because i knew the guardian was trying to turn me away. once through, i strolled down the sidewalk and there i saw her, huddled with some lost souls on the other side of the road.<br /></i><i><p></p>she was wrapped head to toe in a fusion of fashions that nonetheless looked fabulous on her (but you knew it would). she was wearing two pairs of dark sunglasses so that i could not see her eyes. she stood up when she saw me and the movement cause her glasses to fall off - but she scurried to get them back on and grinned. we bantered a bit about this fully knowing that had i seen her eyes, the dream would have ended, such was the rule of the dream.<br /><br />at this point we began walking, me on this side of the street and her on the other. we talked of many things that, like dreamthings often do, faded instantly upon waking, but were comforting in their time.<br /><p></p>there was one point that was important - one thing I have to share. while we were bantering, i thought of saying a thing but before i could, she spoke it to me instead. and as we walked in conversation, she passed through buildings so that i could only see her through windows and could not speak to her, yet still she answered my unasked questions.<br /><br />you must understand what this means: that she is able to glimpse our minds from time to time and knows when we are thinking of her - and perhaps in those times, since distance as we know it in our living bodies no longer applies to jennifer, take comfort in the belief that such a connection brings you "closer" to her than when she was alive.</i><br /><br />for a wonderful tribute to jenn please visit <a href="http://www.stainlesssteeldroppings.com/?p=715" target="_blank">stainless steel droppings</a> - (thank you carl v. for saying many of the things that i cannot)<br /><br />i love you all. i miss her dearly.<br /><br /><i>mysfit</i>mysfithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10165363384097411393noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10486775.post-30184019458974545932007-04-26T16:53:00.000-04:002007-04-26T19:03:20.641-04:00shakespeare rolls up to the fish one day -dear jennsee,<br /><br />not sure, why but this seems to be playing through my mind of late. ah romeo and juliet - irritating huh? i suppose it was either this or puck's closing speach in midsummer night's but we can wait for that. (should have been King Lear, but you know, i'd never pick the right speach...)<br /><br /><i>MERCUTIO<br />O, then, I see Queen Mab hath been with you.<br />She is the fairies' midwife, and she comes<br />In shape no bigger than an agate-stone<br />On the fore-finger of an alderman,<br />Drawn with a team of little atomies<br />Athwart men's noses as they lie asleep;<br />Her wagon-spokes made of long spiders' legs,<br />The cover of the wings of grasshoppers,<br />The traces of the smallest spider's web,<br />The collars of the moonshine's watery beams,<br />Her whip of cricket's bone, the lash of film,<br />Her wagoner a small grey-coated gnat,<br />Not so big as a round little worm<br />Prick'd from the lazy finger of a maid;<br />Her chariot is an empty hazel-nut<br />Made by the joiner squirrel or old grub,<br />Time out o' mind the fairies' coachmakers.<br />And in this state she gallops night by night<br />Through lovers' brains, and then they dream of love;<br />O'er courtiers' knees, that dream on court'sies straight,<br />O'er lawyers' fingers, who straight dream on fees,<br />O'er ladies ' lips, who straight on kisses dream,<br />Which oft the angry Mab with blisters plagues,<br />Because their breaths with sweetmeats tainted are:<br />Sometime she gallops o'er a courtier's nose,<br />And then dreams he of smelling out a suit;<br />And sometime comes she with a tithe-pig's tail<br />Tickling a parson's nose as a' lies asleep,<br />Then dreams, he of another benefice:<br />Sometime she driveth o'er a soldier's neck,<br />And then dreams he of cutting foreign throats,<br />Of breaches, ambuscadoes, Spanish blades,<br />Of healths five-fathom deep; and then anon<br />Drums in his ear, at which he starts and wakes,<br />And being thus frighted swears a prayer or two<br />And sleeps again. This is that very Mab<br />That plats the manes of horses in the night,<br />And bakes the elflocks in foul sluttish hairs,<br />Which once untangled, much misfortune bodes:<br />This is the hag, when maids lie on their backs,<br />That presses them and learns them first to bear,<br />Making them women of good carriage:<br />This is she--</i><br /><br />not to worry, queen mab ain't got nothin' on our girl jenn!<br /><br /><br />love,<br />mysfit<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />more to come:<br /><ul><li><span style="font-family:georgia;"><b>how cool is the jan-ai scholarship fund!</b> or <b>i bet you want to be a coolfish too</b></span></li><br /><li><b><span style="font-family:georgia;">carl v.'s </span><a href="http://www.stainlesssteeldroppings.com/?p=642" target="_blank">Once Upon a Time Challenge</a></li><br /></ul></b><br /><b></b>mysfithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10165363384097411393noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10486775.post-1166843321728299322006-12-22T21:20:00.000-05:002006-12-22T22:08:49.333-05:00this fish is drunk fish<a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/hello/272/3457/1024/IMG_77021.jpg"><img class="phostImg" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/hello/272/3457/400/IMG_77021.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br />so this is it, huh? life without jenn? there are days when i'm not sure if i am up to it. it's like missing an essential part of you. one that infuriated you, made you elated, destroyed you to help you rebuild again... in other words was all the things i need and she's just not...<br /><br />tonight, after six months i am angry, i am reaching out to touch..., i am still.<br /><br />i plan to drink... well i am drinking lots of wine. you'd be proud of me lov, you found "cheep red wine" with it's brown paper label - i found "house wine" with cheep white and black label. i drink in honor of my dearest friend, my sparing partner, my co-collaborator and well, just you, jenn. <br /><br />i miss you darlink.<br /><br /><br />love,<br />mysfit<br /><br />p.s. i'm your huckleberrymysfithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10165363384097411393noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10486775.post-1163785823514044852006-11-17T12:48:00.000-05:002006-11-17T12:50:23.600-05:00sadfish, queryfish, ftw fishwhy isn't the world a story?<br /> <br />why don't tears fix everything that's wrong?<br /> <br />why can't i touch her wings?oldbenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07371032682131713055noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10486775.post-1161129361672679042006-10-17T19:55:00.000-04:002006-10-18T10:51:46.236-04:00so we meet again fishdear jennsee,<br /><br />i keep starting posts and not finishing them. um.<br /><br />there's a lot of things going on that i want to tell you about but it's hard to swim up here and take the time. not because no one will read it (they might not) but because you won't. um.<br /><br />first: it's snowing! it's been snowing all day. it's beautiful outside but cold. the snow'll be gone in a day or two, but i plan to make at least one snow angel. um.<br /><br />i got a new camera. yep, finally broke down and bought an 8-megapixel bundle of point-n-click joy. it's a cute little olympus sp-350 with 25mb of memory. it holds 4 pictures at the max setting... probably. i'm waiting for my memory card. um. it has many cool "scene" settings, like "behind glass" and "candlelight" and it tells you why each one is special. um.<br /><br />this is neat: <a href="http://www.bertmonroy.com/fineart/text/fineart_damen.htm"target="_blank">Damen</a> by bert monroy, a digital photo-realist artist. um. so is this: <a href="http://www.goerie.com/friday13/friday_the_13th_history.html"target="_blank">Friday-the-thirteen history</a> (which was part of a post i didn't finish on friday, when i went to a ski movie/hip-hip show. the show was ok.) um.<br /><br />this sucks though: <a href="http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20061009/ap_en_ot/cbgb_s_shutdown"target="_blank">CBGB's is closing</a>. um. it' a bar, well more like a punk landmark in NY. "I always said Hilly should go to Vegas," said McNeil. "Girls with augmented breasts playing Joey Ramone slot machines. It would become an institution." Hilly's the owner. i don't remember who McNeil is. um.<br /><br />carl v. um. there really are <a href="http://www.stainlesssteeldroppings.com/?p=483"target="_blank">RIP</a> reviews on the way. i've finished three of the books on my list and one that wasn't. um.<br /><br />i think it's really weird that i called your cell phone from the hip-hop show. um. i think i understand why it is still on and not disconnected even though it's been three months. um. it was good to hear your voice. i left a message. um. <br /><br />it must be the age. i'm moving from posters pinned/ducktaped to walls to framed art. we bought a monet print on canvas. um. i got the puck poster you gave me framed:<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/1482/814/1600/PA170003.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/1482/814/200/PA170003.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a> um.<br /><br />they are trying to come up with a new list of seven wonders because, of the original seven, only the pyramids remain. they've narrowed it down to <a href="http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20061017/od_nm/britain_stonehenge_dc"target="_blank">21 wonders</a>. which seven would you choose? <br /><br />um.<br /><br />i think that's it for now. i'll try not to be such a bad little fish, what with halloween coming and all. <br /><br />i miss you.<br /><br /><em>love,<br />mysfit</em><br /><br /><br />p.s. here's a picture for my little fishies that are looking for you: <em>(i'm sorry oldben if this is too hard)</em><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/1482/814/1600/IMG_07811.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/1482/814/200/IMG_07811.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a>mysfithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10165363384097411393noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10486775.post-1158677486494231112006-09-19T10:13:00.000-04:002006-09-28T14:57:02.046-04:00YAAARRRRRR!it be <a href="http://www.yarr.org.uk/"target="_blank">International Talk Like a Pirate DAY</a>! so string up your jolly rogers and go on account! this be the day when all the secret salty dogs of the sea, hiding them thar eyepatches behind accountant glasses, feel safe to show their true colors: red the color of blood on me saber - black the color of me mutinous heart - and white, because it goes well with black and red. i've got it in me booties to give ye swarthy wraiths a few lessons in Manners.<br /><br />avast ye villains! i can hear your whimperin brine-filled bellies from here - (in falsetto, hand to forehead - like a wench): "i don't have a proper name, oh wo is me - whatever am i going to do?" have no fear, me hearties, Mad Bess Bonney is here to help: <a href="http://www.piratequiz.com/"target="_blank">X</a> marks the spot for the first step to ye becoming a right filthy bilgerat. once we know what to write on your tombstone... ah who'my kiddin - ye'll be ankle deep in davy jones' grip 'fore too long. ya see? nowheres to put a tombstone on the vast and lovely sea - but it jus' ain't proper to go on account without a name to strike fear, desperation and mild amusement into the hearts of your closest mates.<br /><br />next! ye canna be swaggering around town and swash-bucklin and drinkin and wenchin with that pansy li'l voice of yours - firstly no one'll take you seriously, no matter how dark and menacing your name and gate is... but, ach! me parrot be correct - it ain't look like a pirate day (though ye can if ye be two sheets to the wind), it be talk like a pirate day!!! so here be a link or two to help you on your way:<br /><a href="http://www.talklikeapirateday.com/wordpress/"target="_blank">talklikeapirateday.com/wordpress/</a> even has a translator for you sons of biscuit-eaters who canna be taking the time out of your busy schedule for a proper education. careful or ye'll be keelhauled 'sure, or my name ain't Mad Bess!<br /><br /><a href="http://www.thepiratesrealm.com/"target="_blank">thepiratesrealm.com</a> for all your pirating needs! (including where the best miniature golf courses are for us serious pirates)<br /><br />it be a long trip from landlubber to scourge of the seven seas and ye might need a little more help than even ol Mad Bess here can do ye. this <a href="http://library.loganutah.org/booklist/children/piratepic.html"target="_blank">pirate booklist</a> has a genteel progression much like walkin the plank - ye start with dreams of pirates and end up swimmin with the sharks.<br /><br />well, this be one pirate that has had enough of your ugly mugs! good luck to ye and keep your filthy mitts off me booty or else ye'll find yeself enjoin' a hemp swing!!mysfithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10165363384097411393noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10486775.post-1157496990469174302006-09-11T03:40:00.000-04:002006-09-11T03:48:14.803-04:00fish - you knew this......but sometimes you have to hear it again - hear it like breeze through forgotten flowers; like memory. i stumbled upon this poem while looking into quotes to help me write something for my brother's wedding. i thought it poignantly apt.<br /><br /><br /><em>"You can shed tears that she is gone,<br />or you can smile because she has lived.<br />You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,<br />or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.<br />Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,<br />or you can be full of the love you shared.<br />You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,<br />or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.<br />You can remember her only that she is gone,<br />or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.<br />You can cry and close your mind,<br />be empty and turn your back.<br />Or you can do what she'd want:<br />smile, open your eyes, love and go on."</em><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">-David Harkins<br /></span><br /><br />sleep well my fishies and in the morning you will feel better - i promise.<br /><br /><em>love,</em><br /><em>mysfit</em>mysfithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10165363384097411393noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10486775.post-1157554584899231092006-09-06T10:45:00.000-04:002006-09-06T14:02:41.366-04:00read! little fishies and be afraid of the darkjennsee, jennsee!<br /><br />just because i wait to the last minute does not mean i cannot play. carl v. has started something wonderful! i hereby inform you that i am taking on the <em>Readers Imbibing Peril <strong>(R.I.P.)</strong> Autumn Challenge</em>. click on the image below for full details and see the outpouring of response (oh and check out how cool carl v.'s prizes are - i reeeeelly want one) - it may even inspire you, but beware, there are many things that go bump in the night and few are pleasant:<br /><br /><a href="http://www.stainlesssteeldroppings.com/?p=483" target="blank"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto auto; WIDTH: auto; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://www.stainlesssteeldroppings.com/images/goreybutton5.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><em>mysfit's list of misty horrors:</em><br />1. <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Invisible-Man-Tor-Classics/dp/0812504674/sr=8-4/qid=1157560510/ref=pd_bbs_4/104-0677899-5478301?ie=UTF8&s=books" target="_blank">The Invisible Man</a> by H.G. Wells (current reading - creepy: i woke the other night thinking someone i couldn't see was in my room)<br />2. <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Johnny-Homicidal-Maniac-Directors-Cut/dp/0943151163/sr=1-1/qid=1157560960/ref=pd_bbs_1/104-0677899-5478301?ie=UTF8&s=books" target="_blank">Johnny the Homicidal Maniac: Director's Cut</a> by Jhonen Vasquez (not sure if graphic novels count but i always read this around this time of year - gory goodness of doom!)<br />3. <a href="http://www.amazon.com/o/ASIN/0613226771/ref=s9_asin_image_1/104-0677899-5478301" target="_blank">Annotated H.P. Lovecraft</a>, by H.P. Lovecraft - (this is a tough choice. i have many H.P. Lovecraft books, but the guy, S.T. Joshi, that does the annotation is so enthralled by Lovecraft and so despises all those who tried to imitate him or who took up the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cthulhu_Mythos" target="_blank">Cthulhu Mythos</a> as untalented hacks that this book is not only creepy but totally amusing).<br />4. <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Count-Monte-Cristo-Penguin-Classics/dp/0140449264/sr=1-1/qid=1157559853/ref=pd_bbs_1/104-0677899-5478301?ie=UTF8&s=books" target="_blank">The Count of Monte Cristo</a>, by Alexandre Dumas - (current reading; for some reason this is a hole in my literary experience and it must be remedied - horrifying? doubtful - dark, thrilling tale of revenge? certainly - dripping with je ne sais quoi? absolutely!)<br />5. <a href="http://etext.library.adelaide.edu.au/p/poe/edgar_allan/p74a/" target="_blank">The Narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym</a>, by Edgar Allen Poe (another hole that must be filled)<br />6. <a href="http://www.learnlibrary.com/jekyll-hyde/" target="_blank">The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde</a>, by Robert Louis Stevenson (one of my all-time favorites, i have a beautiful and austere hardcover of this)<br /><br />i added the sixth just in case the graphic novel doesn't count as literature and besides, i haven't curled up with the infamous Mr. Hyde in a while. thanks carl v., i will certainly enjoy my autumn much better with this list in mind. (oh and i left <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Scanner-Darkly-Vintage-Philip-Dick/dp/0679736654/sr=1-1/qid=1157561563/ref=pd_bbs_1/104-0677899-5478301?ie=UTF8&s=books" target="_blank">A Scanner Darkly</a> off because i'm not sure it falls in the category as i've never read it - but it is on my current list of reading as is <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Man-High-Castle-Vintage/dp/0679740678/sr=8-1/qid=1157561510/ref=pd_bbs_1/104-0677899-5478301?ie=UTF8&s=books" target="_blank">Man in the High Castle</a> - and after looking at some of the other lists here, i may have to add <a href="http://www.amazon.com/-Homecoming-Wonderfully-Illustrated-Short-Pieces/dp/0060859628/sr=1-6/qid=1157561617/ref=sr_1_6/104-0677899-5478301?ie=UTF8&s=books" target="_blank">The Homecoming</a> by Ray Bradbury and illustrated by Dave McKean - yay!) ok enough!!<br /><br /><em>love,<br />mysfit</em>mysfithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10165363384097411393noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10486775.post-1157393574155884712006-09-04T14:06:00.000-04:002006-09-04T14:12:54.356-04:00neglected fishi'm sorry fishie. it's very difficult still for me to be here. i haven't left you for good, just for now. i'll be back soon.<br /><br />in the meantime, this flashed across my screensaver slideshow (good band name?) and i wanted to find the image and post it, but there are thousands and my cursory search did not turn it up. jenn wrote this on the back of a coaster (or beer mat, if you prefer). i have no idea when, but it's somewhat chilling. i hope that when i find the image file it will be dated. but now i share...<br /><br /><i>and maybe i<br />can't love you<br />anymore<br />but every second i spend<br />with you is gorgeous, and<br />every moment we've had is<br />infinite - whatever you<br />have seen, learned, whatever<br />you have discovered, this<br />is still true<br /><br /> -me</i><br /><br />-t-oldbenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07371032682131713055noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10486775.post-1157383539192064292006-09-04T11:17:00.000-04:002006-09-04T11:30:43.373-04:00not a fish, a stingray and something about treadmillsdear jennsee,<br /><br />so i have some bad news for you. it's not horrendous bad news but it sucks really. that dude who like to wrestle with crocs an piss off poisonous snakes is dead. though he was a bit of a ridiculous specter and probably more dangerous than any of the creatures he encountered, he was passionate and one of the few who really, really liked his job. the world is slightly less interesting without him in it.<br /><br /><a href="http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20060904/en_afp/australiapeopleirwinwildlife_060904125808"target="_blank">Steve Irwin passed away</a> doing what he loved today. the Crocodile Hunter was "was killed when he was lashed in the chest by a stingray's poison barb while filming underwater on the Great Barrier Reef". please, a moment of silence for one of the world's characters.<br /><br /><br /><br />enough! lets fill the air with music and dance on treadmills! <a href="http://www.okgo.net/news.aspx"target="_blank">OKGO</a> is quickly becoming a phenomenon. i would really like to meet this band's choreographer: "so, i have four middle-aged white guys - I know! lets make them dance!" check out their <a href="http://www.okgo.net/video.asp"target="_blank">videos</a> - especially <i>Here It Goes Again</i> and <i>A Million Ways</i>. Enjoy!<br /><br /><i>love,<br />mysfit</i>mysfithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10165363384097411393noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10486775.post-1155094175165826742006-08-08T23:29:00.000-04:002006-08-09T16:43:52.970-04:00a different kind of fish-marketdear jenn,<br /><br />i thought you'd get a kick out of this. below is an image that i did recently for my graphic design class. the assignment was to take current magazine and market it to a different audience. we had to keep the name of the magazine and the number of bullets on the cover. i took <i>Powder</i> - a skiing magazine - and marketed it to 18th century powder wig wearers and here's the result:<br /><br /><p align="center"><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/hello/272/3457/1024/take%20one.jpg"><img class="phostImg" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/hello/272/3457/400/take%20one.jpg" border="0" /></a></p><p align="left">i know you'd ask about the girl - that's film actress <a href="http://www.shillpages.com/faywray/fwmain.shtml" target="_blank">Fay Wray</a> best known for her parts in the original <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0024216/"target="_blank">King Kong(1933)</a> and <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0024368/"target="_blank">The Mystery of the Wax Museum(1933)</a> - in both of which she played the leading lady. i believe this picture is from the wax museum where she is dressed as Marie Antoinette.</p><br /><br />thanks for the help in developing my image-sense.<br /><br />love,<br />mysfitmysfithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10165363384097411393noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10486775.post-1155012727146018982006-08-08T00:42:00.000-04:002006-08-08T01:11:10.926-04:00sometimes even a fish must face reality and grindear jennsee,<br /><br />i guess there comes a time to remove your mask and smile at the world. you never let anyone forget that they were dealing with jenn, only jenn and they should learn to love it or just keep on going.<br /><br />on the other hand, i have always aspired to separate myself from my creative life. there were soapbox ideals behind this initial intention but there are times to step down from the soapbox and face yourself one on one. but you knew this. you taught me this and tried to drag me out from behind my games of smoke and mirrors. i know you are pleased as punch that i decided to post the image of us and that is why i can handle it. i am here to make you happy afterall, or at least, partially sane.<br /><br />you were anything but anonymous so why should i hide? i think i owe our friends in the blogosphere at least a little of the frankness that they have always given us.<br /><br />while i was packing i unearthed some things that i wish to share and in order to do so i must put aside the cracked mask and face my own anonymity, name or no name. so here's the cover of a birthday card you made for me. do you remember it?<br /><p align="center"><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/hello/272/3457/1024/Card%20from%20Jenn.0.jpg"><img class="phostImg" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/hello/272/3457/480/Card%20from%20Jenn.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><em>(the inside of the card can be our little secret)</em> </p><p align="left">a good friend can take you out of your comfort zone and make you like it. a great friend can take the comfort zone out of you and make you not miss it. so here i am swimming in the deep end and why am i not surprised that it's all your fault, jenn darling?</p><p align="left">love<br />mysfit</p>mysfithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10165363384097411393noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10486775.post-1154324678441700682006-07-31T01:43:00.000-04:002006-07-31T01:49:26.823-04:00272 fish in the bathroomdear jennsee,<br /><br />i finally found a picture of you looking at the camera that doesn't bug me out... well much anyway:<br /><br /><p align="center"><a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/hello/272/3457/1024/feasting%20-%20girls%20in%20the%20bathroom.0.jpg"><img class="phostImg" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/hello/272/3457/400/feasting%20-%20girls%20in%20the%20bathroom.jpg" border="0" /></a><i><br />jennsee and mysfit (um... I have no concept of time - 2001 maybe...) </i><br /><br /><p align="left"><br />yep, that's my girl... the funny thing is you'd probably be able to tell me what year this is just by my hair. :) </p><p align="left">love,<br />mysfit </p><p align="left"><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><br />p.s. i shaved my head last night. what has it been? three years? more? sometimes when things change you have to keep changing things just to keep up or to prove that you have at least that much control - well that and it's so damn hot here...</span></p>mysfithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10165363384097411393noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10486775.post-1153584317692090712006-07-22T11:23:00.000-04:002006-07-23T19:58:00.293-04:00saturday rain fish<i>i've got two essays here that jenn wrote for governor's school when she was 17/18 and i'm going to share them. maybe they'll help you get to know jenn better or just to remember how much you do know her already. I think this first one is missing a third page, but incomplete tho it may be, the point comes across (the closing lines have been given to me and they have been added. also have been told to note that this essay was written the day before it had to be postmarked for acceptance, which is typical of jenn - ed). it also helps my heart, knowing that i'll be making the same keystrokes that she did at one time. so here's the first one....typos and all.</i><br /><br /><br /> Foreign culture has played as large a role in shaping my identity as any aspect of American culture. While there is an undeniable beatuy of a sort in this country, I think that, as in any situation, it can't be understood or appreciated without a glimpse from another persepective. I've been granted this opportunity on more than one occasion, and I will never forget those experiences that have changed the way that I view life.<br /> There was my first trip to Europe, to France; I lived countryside lifestyle and walked the streets of Paris when I was only eight. I saw the steps of the Madeleine where my grandfather and grandmother were married when he swept her away in 1945 as a war bride. I saw the lights of Paris at night from the top of the Eiffel Tower, saw the river Seine in all its slow beauty, walked the streets of Montmartre and the steps of the majestic white Sacre Coeur. I spent long October evenings in old parks and sprawled alongside a creek bridge crumbling from the eighteenth century.<br /> I returned when I was twelve, tagging along with my older cousins and tasting French adolescent life, which fortunately altered my perspectives on American adolescence enough to keep me relatively sane. After that I flew back again, fifteen years old and able to glory in the beauty of the city in a new light. On that trip I hit France with eleven students my age and a marvelously open-minded teacher who gave us free rein. The squares of Paris, with their street artists, cafes, dark antique shops and wrought iron balconies, the cemetery at Pere-Lachaise with all its twisted paths and ancient trees, even the pastry shop across the cobblestone road from our hotel, are images I'll carry with me always. On this trip, as well, we hit Italy and Monaco. The sea off Monte Carlo at the foot of plunging rockfaced cliffs, the flowered grave of Princess Grace, the yachts in the harbor--strikingly clear and poetic. Italy too, was gorgeous, though perhaps dirty and crowded at times with its people and massive history, its multitudes of cathedrals and sudden charming alleys, its restaurant districts and its murderous crossroads. Yet nothing compares to the view over valleys from the highways outside Assissi, the power of Coliseum ruins, the truly tilted tower of Pisa. Rome had its metropolitan grime and old streets. Florence had its red roofs and domed cathedrals, its statue of David. Then there was the night train ride over the Italy-France border. The whole trip was like a novel, a movie, a lovely dream, and I remember thinking, although that was a particularly rough time in my life, that there would always be something out there to see, somewhere else to go.<br /> Last summer I cavorted through Greece, touring the whitewashed Mediterranean island at my leisure on a cruise ship and spending three nights on the roof of our Athens hotel watching the moon rise over the electric-lit Acropolis. I remember thinking that even with Athens' stench of city and open markets, the Golden Age was never too far away. In Athens you can be picking up food or the like at a tiny convenience stand, turn a corner you've never noticed, and be confronted with a marble ruin or elegant imposing statue. It's incredible.<br /> In an entirely different atmosphere, I've been able to cruise the Bahamas on two occasions, basking in the aquamarine Caribbean and playing like a child in the white sand. There's a certain pungent air over the port at Nassau that makes one understand the allure the islands have for so many people. I'd hardly call it paradise, but it was definitely a hot vivid feast for all senses.<br /> Being exposed to foreign cultures has molded me as much as life within my own culture. American culture is easy to absorb; it's everywhere, and though it takes intense pride in itself, it's not complicated. The rest of the world, I've learned, is different. Here in an area where people tend to spend their whole lives, I've been able to look past the suburbia and make plans on a much broader scale. I'd love to live in Paris for awhile; only the streets fo the city itself brought me to this daydream. I have a clearer idea of where I'd like to go in my life because I've tasted so many different lifestyles. I know more of what I like, and naturally more of what I don't. These are lessons that I doubt I would have learned without the chances for experience that I've had. As I said, these are images I will carry with me always, and I am perpetually seeking new insights into the world. I am grateful for any opportunity to enrich my ideas and perception with the new perspectives that only a multi-cultural environment can bring.<br /><br /><br /><br /><i>a novel, a movie, a lovely dream. that's jenn. she knew and experienced more at 17 than i do and have at 27. she's brought me much further down the road of self-discovery and experience than i would have gotten by now without her help. because of her i will continue to travel.</i><br /><br />my beautiful, perfect, wonderful love.<br /><br /><CENTER><a href='http://photos1.blogger.com/hello/29/3477/640/umbrelllalalajjen.jpg'><img border='0' style='border:1px solid #000000; margin:2px' src='http://photos1.blogger.com/hello/29/3477/320/umbrelllalalajjen.jpg'></a><br /><i>timeless space love</i></CENTER>oldbenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07371032682131713055noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10486775.post-1153174681742954292006-07-17T18:03:00.000-04:002006-07-17T18:19:03.550-04:00undead monkey fish10 points to mysfit for mentioning her ellipses. i enjoy them as well. <br /><br />your words are true. grief is selfish at times. the depression i feel right now is shaped like jenn and has flavors of self-pity and loneliness, and them two are most certainly selfish things to feel, but they are springing from a common loss and i think that takes away a little bit from the selfishness. we're all shouldering a different part of the same grief as well as the emotions that come along with.<br /><br />shared selfishness maybe?<br /><br />all i know is that this would be too intense to go thru alone. i'm truly thankful for everyone right now. i've been avoiding the little breakdowns by trying to smile my way through them, but it builds up. i cracked hard and it took three days to pick the pieces back up. it's a constant ache and i have to fight tears so often. it sneaks up on me at work. it hits me like waves. coming home is hardest. i still say hello and goodbye. i'll keep looking at the empty seat beside me for a long time.<br /><br />how do you continue when your reason is gone?<br /><br />ok melodrama.<br /><br />the new cd is coming along well. proxy is doing well. i found a new house to live in and she has two flights of stairs she can play on. i hope joe and yuhei can learn to live with her and that their injuries are few. i saw pirates with my sister and penny yesterday (they both say hi) and we three agree that it really kicked ass. i don't know what anyone who was disappointed is talking about. the next one can't come out soon enough. <br /><br />i've brought you an undead monkey.<br /><br />best line ever. go see it. let me know, i'll come with. proxy has decided i can't blog anymore, so good evening.oldbenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07371032682131713055noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10486775.post-1152771304565577422006-07-13T02:02:00.000-04:002006-07-15T01:07:42.770-04:00read the warning first, dear fishiesdear jenn see,<br /><br /><em>i'm warning you now so that if you want to duck out the back door or exit stage left, you have the chance. i have had a shitty week. this is not a happy fish.</em><br /><br />sometimes i think we, in America, are so paralyzed by loss that the subject is almost taboo. death is so distanced from us, either by over saturation on TV, movies, video games or we suffer from the "over-there syndrome"... i'm sure you've felt it too in all of this; the "this kinda stuff happens to other people" feeling. but it doesn't always. this time we are the other people and you know what - it fucking hurts.<br /><br />but i don't feel the loss of jenn less today than yesterday, than two weeks ago. sure i'm not bursting into tears every few minutes and i can talk to people without losing it - sometimes... but that doesn't mean i've gone numb to the sense of her not being here any more, i just lose in private ways or at least more private places.<br /><br />perhaps the shock has worn off, leaving behind the dreaded realization that no matter how much i want to dwell within the fact that she is gone, i have to live, if only because she's not. life moves and so must i.<br /><br />i feel the loss more today and expect to feel it more tomorrow. each little thing that i can't tell her -- not just the things that i forgot to mention or never got the chance when... but the new things, the now things. some times the stupidest things are the worst - like she'll never look at me and ask where i got my watch or if that 's the ring i stole from her... she never...<br /><br />she'll never, what? what will she never? she did. she was... amazing. she was and that is enough for me, until i reach for my phone to call... until i want to take a picture and can't figure out who to show it to. it's not just she that will never, you know? i'll never get to ask her opinion again. i'll never get to hear her voice again, hear her laugh. i'll never.<br /><br />mourning is always selfish, no matter how it feels at first.<br /><br />this is not a bad thing.<br /><br />so thanks, jenn for making my thoughts come to a point. thank you for building conversations with me, like skyscrapers that only tumbled when we woke up the next day and couldn't remember what we were talking about. thank you for getting mad at me when i was being stupid, narrow-minded or just too much. thank you for pointing out when i was being super-cool or melodramatic or just plain weird. thank you for caring. thank you. i could probably go on and so i will... at some point, but not now. now just... thank you. i love you. good night.<br /><br />love,<br />mysfit<br /><br />p.s. yes, i used 8 ellipses just because i know it irritates you, my dear jenn... (oops nine)mysfithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10165363384097411393noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10486775.post-1152484260533744162006-07-09T18:18:00.000-04:002006-07-09T18:46:46.733-04:00soul feathers and the fish<em>dear jenn see,</em><br /><br /><em>since you, my dearest muse, will only give me three or four lines of the poem you are inspiring me to write backwards, i guess it must wait. however i was going through old notebooks and stumbling over the fact that you wrote something in every one of them - (much of which i still cannot decipher because of your hieroglyphic "a's"). i found an old theory of mine - i'm sure you'll remember... and this is all true:</em><br /><br />Legend has it that we were all angels once; with two heads, two wings, and one soul. To walk the mortal realm we had to split into two beings; each with a single wing and half a soul. As we travel through this world, we are forever searching for the other half of our souls, our other wing; so that, holding tightly to our other half, we can fly all the way back up into heaven. Thus is the creation of soulmates.<br /><br />i don't believe this. oh, i believe in soulmates sure enough, i'm just not so sure about the half thing. perhaps we do have half a soul and only one wing, but as for the other half i think it was shattered - ripped apart at birth - each feather left for us to find in the hearts of many people. how many? that probably depends upon the soul. as we travel through life, we touch and are touched by people and each time a feather is exchanged, sometimes more than one. and each time, we grow a little as souls, rebuilding our wings.<br /><br /><em>draw your own conclusions.<br /><br />love,<br />mysfit</em>mysfithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10165363384097411393noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10486775.post-1152165756010375042006-07-06T01:40:00.000-04:002006-07-06T02:19:15.933-04:00a scattered fishbrainthe fish has been a painful place for me lately, that's why i've been absent. not that i've been here that much at all. either way...<br /><br />cynthia says hi and that she loves you.<br /><br />i dreamt that i went to heaven and hell. they were the same place. kinda like a nightclub called heaven and hell, which is more or less what sonic told me <a href="http://www.avexmode.jp/animation/tenten/" target="_blank"><i>tenjou tenge</i></a> means.<br /><br /><center><a href='http://photos1.blogger.com/hello/29/3477/640/tenjou.jpg'><img border='0' style='border:1px solid #000000; margin:2px' src='http://photos1.blogger.com/hello/29/3477/320/tenjou.jpg'></a><br />bomb-a-head</center><br /><br />odd thing was, everyone there was still alive. penny said that jenn wasn't there because she had gone off to be universal.<br /><br />my timeless love.<br /><br />it hurts like nothing else, but i've got an assortment of masks and can wear them well. it takes a lot of effort to even get up, but i managed to make it back to work today.<br /><br />obvious questions, says charlie chan, but we gotta go!<br /><br />i want to post the scholarship fund information. there will be a website to follow, but for now donations may be sent to<br /><br />"Jan-Ai Scholarship Fund"<br />c/o Bob Walker<br />P.O Box 8068<br />Atlantic City, N.J. 08404<br /><br />jan-ai was a nickname given to jenn by her father when she was a little girl and means lover of people. since cynthia and family will do a much better job at explaining jan-ai in depth on the website than i will here, i'll let it be at that.<br /><br /><br />i'm jerry.<br />this is the space i occupy and this is my immediate vicinity. i'm staring down infinity and looking upon...<br />rocketboy is lying on his back at that point where the water barely touches the sand before receding, howling at an empty sky, for there is no moon.<br />'tell me about pain, jerry.'<br />'look at the sea.'<br />'tell me about loss, jerry.'<br />'just look at the sea.'oldbenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07371032682131713055noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10486775.post-1152063219768324742006-07-04T21:24:00.000-04:002006-07-05T18:59:22.273-04:00mists of july fishdear jenn see,<br /><br />happy fourth! so no fireworks for me this fourth of july - i guess it's just that type of year. i said my fish was stuck in the clouds, but i guess it fell down with the rain and is flopping around in the grass. <br /><br />we're on to plan d (all of the above). first we were going to go up to nederland, that little town where we watched them over reservoir last year - i was going to pretend it was the ocean this time. but because of the drought out here, they were cancelled. plan B was a place called lookout mountain for a tailgate where we could see all the explosions on the plains of CO, but they closed the mountain. as we left boulder, the sky behind us darkened and over the mountains rolled a torrential storm. so we're barbecuing on our back porch and toasting to being free from those imperialist bastard... um oh, well to being free - again, eventually. :P<br /><br />remember when we went to the top of that parking deck to watch the fireworks over the raritan river in NB? but the new ugly yellow buildings blocked our view just enough that they looked like they were under siege. we had such good times.<br /><br />and i wanted to tell you that you've set some amazing things in motion. they will be posted on the fish just as soon as i've got all the details. this week, i will figure out how i fit into it all and then let the fish swim its course.<br /><br />oh and tell oldben that the fish misses him, i can't do this myself you know. also, let him know that whenever he's ready is fine by me. no worries, you know. i wish i knew what to say. he's amazing, but then you know that better than i do.<br /><br />i miss you. gonna go watch <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0108358/"target="_blank">tombstone</a> now. later.<br /><br />love,<br />mysfit<br /><br /><br />p.s. this would have been sent last night, but i got really sick and both hamlet and i spend the whole night and the next day in utter agony - we think it might have been food poisoning.mysfithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10165363384097411393noreply@blogger.com5