Friday, April 07, 2006

"life is what happens when you're making other plans"

it's absolutely astounding how quickly things change sometimes - even when you are forewarned of a thing coming to pass, it's like you never really knew until it sneaks up on you, throws a bag over your head and proceeds to beat you senseless.

picture me, just plodding along, making a few choices here, a few decisions there, and then - BAM! there i am writhing in the middle of the street as blow after blow lands on the head of the little clock-maker who sits in my soul staring out at the world. insignificant decisions can really get you if your not careful. know what i mean?

no?

well, i go through this about every year or two. one of these episodes is why i have a spiral tattoo:

- from summer 04

this was a few years ago. in the course of a few months, a series of small impulses had changed who i thought i was. i started eating fish for the first time in 13 years: i started wearing a watch (only to spite the time i still do not believe in) for the first time in 12, i bought a wallet - 12 years as well; wore tank tops - 10 years and threw myself into a very strange living situation with nearly total strangers - never.

(it's funny how our habits are such integral parts of ourselves and yet, they are not ourselves - change almost everything about yourself and you are still, well, you). after all these little changes, i felt that i knew myself much better and was therefore at the point in my life that i could get my spiral.

the path is understanding
the method is the spiral


i recently explained this concept to livewire - the spiral is understanding. i believe that the only way you ever understand something is by coming back around to it again and again - and even if the thing itself never changes, you do and so your worldview expands in spirals. but its more than that as well. for there are times that the thing does change - this happens a lot with people and places - they change and yet are more the same - like you - and it forces you to understand yourself better. get it?

now? now i think "it never rains but it pours" is a good description of my life. it's like the universe sensed that i was making a change and decided this seemed like a good idea.

ok ok - over the past few months i made one big, but seemingly innocent decision: i decided to go to school for graphic design and BAM! i now have a car - which, cause it's been a few years since i've needed one, has changed nearly everything superficial about my life. spring is here, with it's aura of change, and so my housing situation is different: the woman that i've spent far too much time and energy bitching about is out of my life! and this super cool dude is gonna take her place. he's even decided that he wants to stay on for another year if we do. so this means I DON'T HAVE TO MOVE!! woohoo! (mysfit's note: if you could see me now, i be doing the happy dance of not packing)

and here's the kicker - i haven't told you much about my work situation. mostly it just is. but for more than a year i have been working two part-time temp jobs (the same two) and apparently they like me. both of them in the course of a week have talked to me about the possibility of full-time employment! neither has made an offer yet but this promises that sometime in the near future, the lurking mandate of change is going to once again pound my head into the pavement of the future. and this time... forewarned as i am... i will definitely... be totally... and utterly... surprised.

for all our presumed magnificence, man always stands naked before the thunderstorm

29 little fish:

Blogger anne swam up to say...

Things are working out magnificently... Woohoo indeed!

11:23 AM  
Blogger jenn see swam up to say...

i love it when things start moving...

12:37 PM  
Blogger theleftsock swam up to say...

As the pattern becomes more intricate it is no longer enough to be swept along.

12:47 PM  
Blogger jenn see swam up to say...

yes i got that message this morning...can i be a stickler for quotes here & say "as the pattern becomes more subtle & complex
being swept along is no longer enough"?
i only know that because i wrote it into a poem.

you know, bad poets borrow, good poets steal & all that.

1:56 PM  
Blogger mysfit swam up to say...

woohoo - indeed anne, for the moment things are grand!

SOCK! i miss you!

ok ok so i'm done editing this - it's funny how you think something is done only to find more pieces to add and more knows to turn...

2:06 PM  
Blogger jenn see swam up to say...

oooh i see the mysfit!

did you mean "knobs" m'dear?
otherwise that makes for a statement which will require some expounding, i think.
i think i think.

2:51 PM  
Blogger Carl V. swam up to say...

Great thoughts. I think I feel something similar with each change of season. I've been thinking so much lately about how my own life (to borrow your allusions) spirals back upon itself and I find myself at the same position over and over again, trying to decide what I'm going to do with certain situations, etc. And this is a good thing because I eventually deal with the positive and negative things that I need to deal with to grow and change. I've made some really good changes this year...small ones...that have made such a huge difference.

I'm glad things are opening up for you. Life sounds pretty good and full of exciting promises. Especially glad you get to stay grounded in your present living space, the comfort and foundation that gives is often overlooked by people.

Great quote at the end there...true, so true.

6:05 PM  
Blogger mysfit swam up to say...

jennsee, dear, you can thinkthink whatever you want...

carl, "opening up" is definitely the feeling i have right now, however i haven't been grounded in my space for the last year, and the house is so neat and in a perfect local - it could have been so cool, but for my roommates - you see, that's part of my excitement. i think it's adding to my sense of "opening".

6:44 PM  
Blogger Carl V. swam up to say...

Other than my wife and kid, who I don't mind sharing a living space with, I don't think I could've ever lived with room mates...at least not of the same sex. In the brief time that I shared a college dorm with my best friend he drove me nuts. I'm not a clean freak by any means but I am also not a typical guy with nasty toilet habits, etc. I admire anyone who can live through that kind of thing without committing homicide. I really hope the new situation works out well for you and that you can actually enjoy your place now.

10:32 PM  
Blogger banzai cat swam up to say...

Am glad you're doing good, kiddo. That's an interesting philosophy itself, addressing something that's always hard to take in, i.e. change. So I laud your sense of well-being.

(Personally, I believe in the philosophy of cards: you play the hand you're dealt with. Weird, I know.)

3:21 AM  
Blogger theleftsock swam up to say...

i once ate an entire watermelon by myself.

8:48 AM  
Blogger theleftsock swam up to say...

ohh math spirals
http://astronomy.swin.edu.au/~pbourke/other/phi/

9:13 AM  
Blogger jenn see swam up to say...

oooh that twists my head around...
i love it when math & art collide.

2:10 PM  
Blogger LiVEwiRe swam up to say...

Wow, those certainly are some changes there! You explain your spiral theory with such clarity, perhaps because you lived it and actually came away with an understanding of it. Not having to pack is like the icing on the cake though; good for you!

2:43 PM  
Blogger mysfit swam up to say...

you know, sock, that doesn't surprise me one bit - thanks for the link

livewire, yes well, with the spiral theory, as you call it, i have been coming back around to it for many years as well. if it can help others, all the better. if anyone else can get it then i guess i'm on the right track or something. and good icing too! thanks!

7:55 PM  
Blogger IanBradley swam up to say...

Happy dance. Happy dance make fun. Happy dance make fun DO! Happy. Dance.
Fun.
Do.

2:59 AM  
Blogger mysfit swam up to say...

ian - did you forget your medicine again?

10:20 AM  
Blogger jenn see swam up to say...

happy dance with icing!

12:36 PM  
Blogger mysfit swam up to say...

ooo - we know that one right? is it my birthday already?

remember ice skating on icing in our kitchen? we wer edrunk of course, so you might not...

6:11 PM  
Blogger jenn see swam up to say...

i can't say i remember the skating.

i distinctly remember being covered in chocolate icing, though.

& that it was still on the walls years later when everyone was moving out...

2:59 PM  
Blogger mysfit swam up to say...

yay - 20 - you make me so happy, i'm gonna cry...

ok so skating wasn't exactly what we were doing and i don't recall if it was you or the small copper coin who was trying to mop up the kitchen with me after the first cake fight - i do recall ianB (or so he is currently known on Mr. Nose) catching both of us when we slipped

9:32 PM  
Blogger jenn see swam up to say...

was this before or after i showered with my clothes on?

part of the problem here i suspect is that there was more than one icing incident...

after all, you had more than one birthday in that house, neh?

10:00 PM  
Blogger mysfit swam up to say...

eh...

i don't know - i wasn't tracking your clothes that night - this was, i think, the first icing incident, though don't take my word, i was drunk at the time...

11:21 AM  
Blogger IanBradley swam up to say...

I remember catching you as well, there were several icing incidents as I recall including one outside of the mythical land of 272, does anyone else remember the bar in staten island incident? Admittedly it was just me and one other person, neither of us owned that poor cake but, wow that was fun. woo. (i am typing with my nose, it makes you dizzy)

2:59 PM  
Blogger jenn see swam up to say...

aha! i do remember that, it was at the HA cd release show at the Real McCoy.
for a very long time my whole SI circle knew you as the drunken cake guy. or as the joker who choked vinnie.

& i don't think anyone knew whose cake that was...

12:49 PM  
Blogger IanBradley swam up to say...

Hrmmmm, the drunken cake joker who choked Vinnie. I am happy with the impression I give.

11:11 PM  
Blogger mysfit swam up to say...

choked vinnie? what? i don't remember that... i do remember ALL the cake fight - including the one in the bar - that was amusing to watch

10:17 AM  
Blogger mysfit swam up to say...

wow - i just realized that i forgot to mention taking out the lip ring i had worn for 8 years - same summer as the spiral tatoo - strange, must be getting old

3:29 PM  
Blogger IanBradley swam up to say...

You're amusing to watch.

2:48 AM  

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