Thursday, September 22, 2005

sacred spaces: a response to frank for everyone (my fish)

being far away from the turmoil, i peer in through glassless windows as the sky burns:

sacred spaces

we all have sacred spaces. some of us pack them in shoulder packs and carry the weight of houses on shoulders too heavy for our tired feet. some of us know that special place waits right around the next corner or the next or...

he spoke to me through my closet door, "i want to be considered home" - i wish it were enough.

i've always had homes hiding up stairs and behind tapestry-curtains lined with library shelves
i know that i need physical representations of my identity and
without a tangible alter to my psyche i feel
even physically ill

- and they painted the door black to keep the evil spirits of NB out - did you know that? one snuck in thru an open window one night and i threw wire shelving at it - it didn't bleed -

you see, i've known this girl jenn since she was born, retroactively knew her before we met and i can tell you that she's always found her sacred place in the intensity of interaction between her and other people - even this conflict is better than the lackluster of apathetic small talk in venues too loud for "real" interactions.

don't get me wrong, i'm not apologizing for her - that's not my job - and i don't think i've ever felt pride about a town just a space, so i'm actually kinda jealous of your reaction - i guess i just wanted you to see some of my understanding (even though you may not read this or i may not post this) - maybe i just wanted to be included (translation: i don't know how to keep my mouth shut)

i also know
that she's been toning it down, trying to see what the world would be like without the force of her drama-magnet at full blast (when i turned off my freak-magnet, i got lost all the time)
that she's never been happy with drama but thrives on intensity
that it's usually easy for her to fit in even if she's never quite fit
that SI is a new kind of challenge

without the feel of "real" interactions nothin is real - not me, not the world, not you

the fact that your sacred place is torturing her is not a comment about you, nor even about the place itself. mostly, we bring our miseries down on ourselves but there's something to feng shui: a place can help or hinder your recovery - a place can define/reflect/deny your identity

"i wrap myself in the fabric of the seventh floor"

the ability to meld your sacred space with the place you live in is amazing
for those of you lucky enough to be born in your sacred place, you have filled your world with you and you are filled with your world - when you breakdown, when something gets loose, the security blanket of family and friends is stretched far and wide for years before you were even born - your children will know that and may not stay - i envy you
for those you us who have to gather our support structure as we go and keep it somewhere inside, home is the most important thing you can call a place

"sok, i'm not any lonelier than i was already."
-mysfit signing off

6 little fish:

Blogger jenn see swam up to say...

you understand about spaces in way that most people never come across, a kind of spiralling pattern of thought that can see both inside & outside of a place.

i think my sacred space might be the ocean, which means it's simultaneously 3/5 (or whatever) of the globe, down the street, & very far away from me at this moment.

which may go some way towards explaining my malaise.

2:40 PM  
Blogger mysfit swam up to say...

comes from having a mother who's an architect and interior decorator

now if only i could figure out how to get rich off it

6:20 PM  
Blogger jenn see swam up to say...

er, hire yourself out to hurl wire shelving at spirits?
there must be a market for that...

8:41 PM  
Blogger banzai cat swam up to say...

... or a story.

Heh. That's an excellent way of putting it, mysfit. You could be a poet-diplomat of sorts. ;-)

1:51 PM  
Blogger mysfit swam up to say...

thanks cat, getting my diplomatic license is right up there with getting my poetic license

11:37 AM  
Blogger jenn see swam up to say...

now we see if diplomatic poesy can reach the silent majority...& figure out how we'll know if it does...does it make a spark?

12:33 PM  

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