Tuesday, October 11, 2005

for all the confused fish

dear fish,

a little over a year ago, i braved the 2000 mile trek from new jersey to colorado in a blue station wagon with just about everything i owned jammed in the back or strapped on top. the trip took a few days as we drove through the night and with the help of some audiobooks, my friend and i survived without the madness usually brought on by the elements, tunnel-vision, road-rage and kansas (****).

for those of you confused about the difference between new brunswick, new jersey and boulder, colorado i have recently discovered some new info that may clarify this:

In New Jersey it is illegal to "frown" at a police officer.

In Boulder, Colorado it is legal to challenge a police officer, but only until he or she asks you to stop.

just thought you might like to know.

your friend,

(P.S. legal facts compliments of dumblaws.com.)
(P.P.S.**** - note edited out by author/editor)

9 little fish:

Blogger jenn see swam up to say...

apparently in Jersey it's also illegal to delay or detain a homing pigeon.

whereas in New York, where i live now, the penalty for jumping off a building is death, & a fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking "at a woman in that way." A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a "pair of horse-blinders" wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll.. also, slippers are not to be worn after 10:00 pm.

however, in New York City, "women may go topless in public, providing it is not being used as a business", although citizens may not greet each other by "putting one's thumb to the nose and wiggling the fingers".

& glorious in Staten Island specifically, It is illegal for a father to call his son a "faggot" or "queer" in an effort to curb "girlie behavior."

also, you may only water your lawn if the hose is held in your hand.
whatever that means...no sprinklers i guess?

1:42 PM  
Blogger Carl V. swam up to say...

For the love of God and all that is holy, I AM NOT FROM KANSAS! :) I am a proud Nebraska Cornhusker, transplanted to Kansas City, MISSOURI, via a time of penance in Tulsa, OK. While it may not seem like a big deal it is important to those of us on the Mizzou side that we are not Kansans. Fred Phelps is from Kansas and that is only one of the reasons I'd love to distance myself from that state. I love Missouri, tis a beautiful place and I enjoy living in KC.

All in all I don't expect you to remember or care but I just had to share. Whenever I'm with my best friend of 18 yrs, who lives in NYC, he introduces me as living in Kansas....ah well.

3:18 PM  
Blogger jenn see swam up to say...

to us it's kinda the same, carl v.

just kidding, it's the "kansas" in "kansas city" that gets us confused.

anyway, mysfit's lucky if she's certain of where she is, so don't take it personally :)

3:35 PM  
Blogger mysfit swam up to say...

(hangs head in shame) double-sry carl... k, i swear never to forget again - will you forgive me now?

i hope you don't have a bathtubs with four legs resembling animal paws, becasue it is prohibited in kansas city, MI

3:39 PM  
Blogger mysfit swam up to say...

jenn - hey!!!

i'm always sure where i am, it's where anything else is that i have trouble with...

(however, when is a different story entirely)

3:43 PM  
Blogger Carl V. swam up to say...

I was of course kidding...I do think it is a rather interesting phenomenon that whenever anyone thinks of Kansas City they always think of Kansas. The majority of the city is in MO as are our professional sports teams....however the big money is in Kansas....maybe I should move!!!

You made me think of my friend Scott with your 'its all the same to us' comment...you fellow New Yorkers are all alike. ;)

I don't have an animal footed tub Mysfit but the temptation to go out and buy one just so I can say that everytime I'm naked in the tub I'm breaking the law is almost overwhelming.

4:09 PM  
Blogger Carl V. swam up to say...

I'm partial to this Missouri law:

Minors are not allowed to purchase cap pistols, however they may buy shotguns freely.

And I'm glad I don't live in Natchez as I'd be jail bound for sure since:

It shall be unlawful to provide beer or other intoxicants to elephants.

4:12 PM  
Blogger LiVEwiRe swam up to say...

You know, years ago I lived in Denver (actually Wheatridge, just outside of Denver). On the way there, I drove through Kansas*. Moving back, not long after, I drove through Nebraska. I swear I wanted to kill myself. (*Never, EVER camp in Kansas... you sleep on rocks and get blown right out of your tent. Which actually blows aways right along with you because tent stakes cannot be pounded into solid stone. It's an ugly, ugly scene.)

8:54 AM  
Blogger Carl V. swam up to say...

Western Nebraska...not where I grew up...is a pretty suicide-inducing spot as well. Unless you are partial to deserted desert terrain, yucca plants and tumbleweeds.

10:40 AM  

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