fishy responses

transcribed from tape. interview with monkey 0

1. You are clearly a ghost samurai. How did you get into this racket, how's the pay, and is that your real moustache?

that's a good question, monk, and one that i'd be glad to answer. it all started when i was young boy in the uzen province. i joined a dojo at the age of 5 and didn't look back. i moved quickly through the ranks and became the best swordsman in the shogunate. unfortunately, being a sucker for the ladies, i was poisoned by a female ninja who worked for an opposing warlord. the pay was great while i was alive, tho it wasn't really a monetary compensation that i received. it was a status thing, so i was comped everywhere i went. in retrospect, i lived my life a little too hedonistically and got what i deserved in the end. now that i'm dead, i have no need for pay. the moustache is mine, tho i didn't grow it. it belonged to my master uesugi kenshin who once told me

Fate is in Heaven, the armor is on the breast, success is with the legs. Go to the battlefield firmly confident of victory, and you will come home with no wounds whatever. Engage in combat fully determined to die and you will be alive; wish to survive in the battle and you will surely meet death. When you leave the house determined not to see it again you will come home safely; when you have any thought of returning you will not return. You may not be in the wrong to think that the world is always subject to change, but the warrior must not entertain this way of thinking, for his fate is always determined.

circumstances led us into battle together. i was voctorious, removed his moustache, and attached it to my faceplate. it is both a trophy of battle and a reminder of my master and my own mortality.

2. Would you rather have a jet pack or a special robot arm which dispenses superb espresso and vintage Barolo?

tho robotic limbs have their advantages, i would rather have a jet pack than a robot arm. i like wine, but i've never had occasion to drink a barolo. i do not like espresso, nor do i like coffee.

3. When you're on the train and you see the signs that say "do not throw anything from the train" (or "ne jetez pas aucun objets dans le fenestre" as they say in France), what do you get the urge to chuck out the window?

george w. bush.

4. Name your favorite foods for:
4a. zombie attack

chilled monkey brains. (also my favorite food for liberating indian children from mola ram and his gang of thugees)

4b. true love
chocolate sex, wine, and roses.

4c. zero gravity

milkshakes.

4d. waking up not knowing where you are or how you go there but you're covered in it

egg n cheese sammich.

5. We'll end with a simple one: nature or nurture?

noodles.

later, our very own jenn see asked me these revealing questions...

1. the universe: infinitely expanding, or goes in cycles?

it cycles as it expands, but on one of those old-timey bikes with the funny wheels.


you are number six.

2. if you were a plant, what would you be?

ficus, i think...yes....a ficus.

3. which fictional character do you have the biggest crush on?

recently, natsuki.


okay....

but it all goes back to caitlin fairchild of gen13


ummmm................

4. if we make a movie of your life, who should we get to direct it? who would star? who would play me?

wes anderson, maybe, could direct? bill murray and owen wilson come with the turf, but additionally i'd like to have jack nicholson and scarlett johansson to play you.


scarlett

i will of course portray myself....

5. what's your favorite word? who's your favorite musician? how are the 2 related?

oscillate & jimmy knepper. he was a little too old to oscillate when i met him, but he could still play like a mofo. charlie parker, tho...he could oscillate.


jimmy knepper


knepper and charlie parker


& i think we can consider "what fish represents your dark side?" to be a requisite.


manta ray

and as a parting thought, i leave you with this.

goodnite you little fishies...