undead monkey fish

10 points to mysfit for mentioning her ellipses. i enjoy them as well.

your words are true. grief is selfish at times. the depression i feel right now is shaped like jenn and has flavors of self-pity and loneliness, and them two are most certainly selfish things to feel, but they are springing from a common loss and i think that takes away a little bit from the selfishness. we're all shouldering a different part of the same grief as well as the emotions that come along with.

shared selfishness maybe?

all i know is that this would be too intense to go thru alone. i'm truly thankful for everyone right now. i've been avoiding the little breakdowns by trying to smile my way through them, but it builds up. i cracked hard and it took three days to pick the pieces back up. it's a constant ache and i have to fight tears so often. it sneaks up on me at work. it hits me like waves. coming home is hardest. i still say hello and goodbye. i'll keep looking at the empty seat beside me for a long time.

how do you continue when your reason is gone?

ok melodrama.

the new cd is coming along well. proxy is doing well. i found a new house to live in and she has two flights of stairs she can play on. i hope joe and yuhei can learn to live with her and that their injuries are few. i saw pirates with my sister and penny yesterday (they both say hi) and we three agree that it really kicked ass. i don't know what anyone who was disappointed is talking about. the next one can't come out soon enough.

i've brought you an undead monkey.

best line ever. go see it. let me know, i'll come with. proxy has decided i can't blog anymore, so good evening.