YAAARRRRRR!

it be International Talk Like a Pirate DAY! so string up your jolly rogers and go on account! this be the day when all the secret salty dogs of the sea, hiding them thar eyepatches behind accountant glasses, feel safe to show their true colors: red the color of blood on me saber - black the color of me mutinous heart - and white, because it goes well with black and red. i've got it in me booties to give ye swarthy wraiths a few lessons in Manners.

avast ye villains! i can hear your whimperin brine-filled bellies from here - (in falsetto, hand to forehead - like a wench): "i don't have a proper name, oh wo is me - whatever am i going to do?" have no fear, me hearties, Mad Bess Bonney is here to help: X marks the spot for the first step to ye becoming a right filthy bilgerat. once we know what to write on your tombstone... ah who'my kiddin - ye'll be ankle deep in davy jones' grip 'fore too long. ya see? nowheres to put a tombstone on the vast and lovely sea - but it jus' ain't proper to go on account without a name to strike fear, desperation and mild amusement into the hearts of your closest mates.

next! ye canna be swaggering around town and swash-bucklin and drinkin and wenchin with that pansy li'l voice of yours - firstly no one'll take you seriously, no matter how dark and menacing your name and gate is... but, ach! me parrot be correct - it ain't look like a pirate day (though ye can if ye be two sheets to the wind), it be talk like a pirate day!!! so here be a link or two to help you on your way:
talklikeapirateday.com/wordpress/ even has a translator for you sons of biscuit-eaters who canna be taking the time out of your busy schedule for a proper education. careful or ye'll be keelhauled 'sure, or my name ain't Mad Bess!

thepiratesrealm.com for all your pirating needs! (including where the best miniature golf courses are for us serious pirates)

it be a long trip from landlubber to scourge of the seven seas and ye might need a little more help than even ol Mad Bess here can do ye. this pirate booklist has a genteel progression much like walkin the plank - ye start with dreams of pirates and end up swimmin with the sharks.

well, this be one pirate that has had enough of your ugly mugs! good luck to ye and keep your filthy mitts off me booty or else ye'll find yeself enjoin' a hemp swing!!