Tuesday, September 04, 2007

converstaional farewell fish

The fish: I miss you.
mysfit: i know, i miss you too. but i miss—
The fish: I know.
mysfit: you’re not mine, you know that, right? you never were. not jenn see’s, nor oldben’s; but a life that rose up through the interactions between the three of us and those who followed their own fishes here. i can’t do that alone, i’m sorry, i can’t shoulder that responsibility. i do still love you, though.
The fish: But you’re leaving me, you’re—
mysfit: i’m not! or i already have. or – well – there’s the chaos journals for me and i thought i would try to keep this site up-to-date with scholarship fund info and maybe that wouldn’t be so emotionally draining, so, well so painful, you know. maybe it won’t be so tough.
The fish: So that’s it, huh? That’s great. When it gets hard, when it gets tough, you—
mysfit: hey, i know this sucks, but i’ve got to try to start, if not over, then again. hell, I can’t even delete or update your dead links, like each change to the template takes her further away. it’s kinda like not giving you a bath, ever. i keep trying, but—honestly fish, i’m sick of feeling like my blogging life is trapped in the twilight world. there’s been some talk of—
The fish: I hate when people talk behind my source code.
mysfit: let me finish! there’s been talk, a lot of talk, recently about the potential strength of techno-friendships and looking through the archives, it just reminds me of what a vibrant and living site you were.
The fish: I was magnificent wasn’t I?
mysfit: the best.
The fish: You’ve been mostly absent for more than a year – what makes you think that the chaos journals will hold you here any more than I can?
mysfit: maybe they won’t. won’t know till i try will i?
The fish: And you’ll visit?
mysfit: and post about the Jan-ai Scholarship fund and maybe other things, as often as I can – we’ll see. until then – good night sweet fish.


10 little fish:

Anonymous Anonymous swam up to say...

I am trying to stay calm and not freak out but this was in the making. So much has happened these past few weeks that its just hammers home that she really is gone. You do what you have to do to keep changing. Hmmm, where have I heard that before. Just please keep the site up so people can go and read her stuff. (yours and oldben too.)Love, o.m./cyn

11:48 PM  
Blogger JP swam up to say...

I understand. I hope you'll do something regular with the Chaos Journals, your internet voice is missed too.


10:20 PM  
Blogger Elizabeth swam up to say...

Ah, I am sad to read this. I found out about Jenn through the Inquirer story, and have very much enjoyed her entries and photos. I feel your loss, as I am at a similar place (my friend, dead nearly four years after a brave fight with cancer, is lost to me anew as her DH has started dating again. You understand the need to move on. And yet.)

Your loss is one I grasp fully. I do hope you keep this blog here, just so those of us who have 'met' Jenn too late, can at least be glad we knew of her....

9:00 AM  
Blogger Carl V. swam up to say...

I certainly hope to see you in the blogging world more regularly someday, but I totally agree with the idea that this site was an amalgam of you and Jenn See and Oldben and leaving it as a shrine to that, with updates about the scholarship and hopefully touching base once a year on the anniversary, is probably the best thing to do with the site. Its painful to say that, but 99% would hate to see this particular site go on without Jenn See. I appreciate you being honest with us about your struggles with this and know that you, all of you, have our love and support.

10:15 AM  
Anonymous rusvw swam up to say...

I stop in here so frequently to feel your three-way pulse, and I think that even the words you've shared here on this post keep that pulse beating. All things evolve, as does this site, and I think you've done a damn good job following the flow of where this one needs to go.
Maybe 4, 7, or 13 will post comments on your various posts, but thousands come here, well, just to be a little closer.
I've always thought you brave to keep the keys moving on this blog. Please know you've got a world of support out there who share that three-way pulse with you.
Thanks, mysfit. Thanks.

11:34 PM  
Blogger mysfit swam up to say...

it's not my intention to ever take this site down, so breathe easy my fishies, for many of the reasons you mention. thanks for all the support and love you've shown on this and over the years.

10:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous swam up to say...

Yeah! This fishie can sleep tonight. Feel very close to her at the moment and in a few days get to see my "other girl". Love this Colorado air. o.m./cyn

11:53 PM  
Blogger anne swam up to say...

the fish stays in my favorites, that's for sure, but I'm looking forward to reading your stuff on the chaos journals, mysfit.

5:17 AM  
Blogger Lorena swam up to say...

what a beautiful post. i wish you the best. thanks for sharing all that you have in this lovely space. look forward to finding you again in the future.

12:11 AM  
Blogger {illyria} swam up to say...

i still think of the fish. of all of you. you remain in my links, vibrant with life.

10:46 PM  

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