Monday, October 31, 2005


to all my dear fish

Friday, October 28, 2005

halloween fish

the next wave of costume gallivanting starts tonight...expect a halloween photo phantasmagoria in the coming days.
i know what mysfit's going to be, but it's a secret.
i have yet to decide what planet my spacegirl will be from. suggestions?

last night watched Disney's version of Sleepy Hollow for the first time since, oh, 1992 or so. wheeeee! it's amazing how all the songs come back to you.

also saw Mr. Toad, for, i think, the first time ever.
"And what is the 'Honest Way'?!"
"Ah, thought ye wouldn't know that, guv'nor!"

also carved a jack o'lantern, haven't had one of those in a while. photos up on the tourist.

in a creepy moment that elicits odd questions about halloween festivites, a suicide in delaware--the woman hung herself from a tree on a busy street--was mistaken for a halloween decoration for hours & hours. ergh.

plus! breaking newsfish: they've indicted "Scooter" Libby, the rat.
woohoo! justice for all! ....................... sorry got a wee bit carried away there.

happy halloween weekend, fishies, & don't let The Man smash your pumpkins!

das psychological fish

ok- this one really got to me.
(warning - there may be mild spoilers in this post)

the other night we watched das experiment(2001), a german film based (loosely) on a the infamous Stanford Prison Experiment - a psychological experiment done at stanford university in 1971. Where a group of volunteers (all students in the real experiment) were arbitrarily split into prison guards and prisoners, and then placed in a prison mock-up in the university in order to observe the effects of the prison system on "normal" psyches. the prisoners were to follow simple rules and the guards were to keep order - both the movie and the original study adhere to the basic question: "What happens when you put good people in an evil place? Does humanity win over evil, or does evil triumph?"

in some ways i'm glad that i got to see the movie prior to reading detailed accounts of the actual experiment because i was left with this feeling of "no, that couldn't have really happened - wouldn't human sense kick in?" which is probably what the director/author meant.

the experiment is set up, the different roles are assumed casually enough. at first, everyone seems content to just take it easy, collect their money in two weeks and go home. well everyone but our hero Tarak. Tarek Fahd, prisoner #77 (above: Moritz Bleibtreu of Run Lola Run fame), enrolls in the experiment in order to detail it for a magazine article. there was actually a "insider" in the original experiment, who thought that the experiment was set up to determine how best to control radical students (this was the early 70's remember), but that's about where the character diverges as Tarek proceeds to cause havok by provoking the guards and refusing to fall into the role of the "good prisoner" - there's always one, right? besides, the more out of control this experiment gets, the better the story - just like: the more over the top the movie the better, right? not so much. it certainly is intense but the timeline was a bit ridiculous: "how is it only the third day?" and the violence was pushed over the top.

the movie may incorporate many elements from the standford experiment but it is actually based on a book, "The Black Box", by german author Mario Giordano. it is fiction but so well done that i was calling out in shock as the experiment gets out of control. now, i'm not a very squeamish person but the movie brings to mind disturbing images of concentration camps (not the least because it's in german) and it seems likely that this was a parallel that Giordano as well as the director, Oliver Hirschbiegel (Downfall, 2004) wanted the audience to draw, as the guards were certainly dressed similiar and at one point in the movie a 'prisoner' yells "you nazi motherfucker!" at one of the 'guards'.

the experiment was supposed to continue for 2 weeks but was prematurely terminated after 6 days when the psychologist reveiwed tapes of the 'guards' being sadistic and "escalating their abuse of prisoners in the middle of the night when they thought no researchers were watching... Their boredom had driven them to ever more pornographic and degrading abuse of the prisoners." This quote comes from a slide-show account of the experiment written by Dr. Zimbardo, the psychologist in charge of the experiment and applies to the movie as well.

however, this is not a documentary by any means.

in the movie the main researcher inexplicably goes absent right before the 'guards' take over but what amazes me about the actual account linked above is that it details not so much the 'guards' behavior as the behavior of the stanford doc, himself, acting in the role of the prison super-intendendant in response to the experiment - caring more about the security of his 'prison' than the well-being of the 'prisoners', though the researchers did intervene a number of times.

the actual researcher complains there was no violence in his experiment and that the movie is misleading but this could partly be because he never goes into detail about what exactly was "pornographic and degrading" about the behavior of the 'guards' - however, the filmakers were forced to remove "...inspired by incidents that occurred during a psychological experiment at Stanford University, Palo Alto, USA" from the movie.

conclusion: the actual Stanford Prison Experiment is fascinating, the movie das experiment was intense and well done, if not entirely believable and i love german movies (something about actors and the language, which i kinda speak and kinda understand).

(one last comment: "Black Box" also refers to a book: Darwin's Black Box: The Biochemical Challenge to Evolution by Michael J. Behe)

Thursday, October 27, 2005

when the fish listens

it listens to thee...i haven't fished anything i've been listening to since way back in April, though it seems my tastes don't change very dramatically over six months.
for your listening pleasure, little fishes, 3 damn hours of music (sometimes i just let these things run & run & run until i wake up & think my goodness, is there such a thing as too much david byrne?)

  1. "hello" - shakespear's sister
  2. "song to the siren" - this mortal coil (tim buckley cover)
  3. "hazey jane I" - nick drake (if you sign up i think you can listen to it here)
  4. "i walk the line" - johnny cash
  5. "whip-smart" - liz phair
  6. "dance on vaseline" - david byrne
  7. "lazer beam" - super furry animals
  8. "baby's on fire" - the Venus in Furs, Velvet Goldmine soundtrack
  9. "lebanese blonde" - thievery corporation
  10. "ooh la la" - goldfrapp (the video's on one of the buzzing bees, flies, whatever)
  11. "plowed" - sponge
  12. "life during wartime" - talking heads
  13. "southern belle" - elliott smith
  14. "out-side" - the beta band (the "radio" feature at the bottom has it, 2nd track)
  15. "and the tide rushes in" - the moody blues
  16. "all the trees of the field will clap their hands" - sufjan stevens
  17. "somedays" - regina spektor (you can listen to it on the "radio" for Soviet Kitsch)
  18. "tira o leite" - os mutantes
  19. "polyester bride" - liz phair
  20. "the littlest birds" - the be good tanyas
  21. "50 ways to leave your lover" - paul simon
  22. "baby bitch" - ween
  23. "frankly, mr. shankly" - the smiths
  24. "hymn for her" - the magic numbers
  25. "stumpside" - rasputina
  26. "walking with a ghost" - tegan & sara
  27. "beau dimanche" - amadou & mariam
  28. "i'm a wheel" - wilco
  29. "the revolution" - david byrne
  30. "turning japanese" - the vapors
  31. "it'll chew you up & spit you out" - concrete blonde
  32. "cure for pain" - morphine
  33. "monday" - wilco
  34. "d-technolife" - uverworld
  35. "she's in parties" - bauhaus
  36. "in an operetta" - the magnetic fields
  37. "don't shit where you eat" - ween
  38. "size too small" - sufjan stevens
  39. "handshake drugs" - wilco
  40. "ordinary world" (MTV Unplugged) - duran duran
  41. "mexican radio" - wall of voodoo
  42. "asterisk" - orange range
  43. "discoball world" - david garza
  44. "what do children do" - jonathan fire*eater
  45. "singing softly to me" - kings of convenience
  46. "you go to my head" - billie holliday
  47. "ship out on the sea" - the be good tanyas
  48. "cold-blooded old times" - smog
  49. "all the dirt" - mike doughty
  50. "i can't sleep in silence" - huma

happy fishing, listeners.

couple post-scripts:

let me know if any of the links don't work.

if anyone has any idea how i can find a copy of the version of "Song to the Siren" that Tim Buckley does on the Monkees TV show, the "Frodis Caper" episode (which is the best of the Monkees episodes, & trust me, i know what i'm talking about--& i've just discovered it was in fact the last Monkees episode...) at the very end, sitting on a wrecked car with a twelve-string, please tell me because i've been looking for it for about 5 years now. even amazon failed me. they thought they could get it from Italy on a weird box set but after about 6 months had to admit defeat. speaking of Buckleys, ooh look what i found.

NPR has a great streaming radio page for All Songs Considered.

can't mention "I Walk the Line", or Johnny Cash, without mentioning the new movie, which i am gleefully anticipating. Joaquin Phoenix is a most unusual actor, & i've dug the Man in Black ever since i saw him doing "Ghost Riders in the Sky" on The Muppet Show way back when.

sorry about all the pop-ups, guess these music sites have to pay their way somehow. how much better would it be though if i could just upload all these songs to the fish & you could just sit & listen, for however much of three hours you could stand? ah, wishful thinking.

movie fish

don't know why but here's a list of movies i've watched recently (revised because i was being lazy and hung-over):

das experiment (2001) - review pending
lords of dogtown - not really worth a review, but not the worst movie i've ever seen. based on the true story of three teenaged surfers who started the skater craze in 1975. The movie got interesting about half-way through but the three kids are pretty much the architypal personalities of the three types of skaters: the athlete, the rebel and the rich-boy; so much so that is seems less than plausible.
children of the corn - not bad, not as scary or entertaining as i remember, bad special effects, but a classic
exorcist:the beginning - i was actually surprised that this was pretty good
the omen - fantastically scary, the epitome of creepy kids.
house of 1000 corpses- one long, really long rob zombie video. ok, so i didn't really watch this, it was mostly in the background and i left before the end but seriously, rob zombie directed it, wrote it and did much of the music so did you expect it to be any good?
mirrormask - wow - already fished here and here
something wicked this way comes - still one of the best halloween movies ever, creepy carnival of the devil (one of the originals) - written by Ray Bradbury, with Jonathan Pryce as the main villain. if you get a chance to watch this classic or read the book, i highly recommend both - bradbury's genius is in the details and unlike a lot of early horror movies, the special effects in this are minimal and well done.
alien vs predator - i was disappointed with the portrayal of the predators, but otherwise it was, well - alright (probably was better on the big screen)
donnie darko - fun! definitely worth all the hype. i watched the extended version with a friend who had seen the original - apparently there's only little differences like 2-min conversations and short detailed scenes that pull the movie together even more.
layer cake - had no idea what i was getting myself into with this movie and sometimes that's a good thing. this movie was well done and sharp. it's about a man who decides to get out of the illicit drug business but instead all things go to hell. there were moments that were a bit cliche (like "everything was going perfect, what could go wrong?") but so? didn't really take away from the movie at all. but i called i said that the main actor, Daniel Craig, would be a good Bond and two days later i found out that someone else had the same opinion.
downfall - details the last days of the third reich by following hitler, eva and his closest advisors into the bunker and on until the end of his life - based on a real-life account of hitler's personal secretary at the end of the war. intense and strange as eva throws a diner party for hitler's 56th birthday as bombs fall outside and magda goebbels kills her children because germany and she doesn't want them to live in a world without national socialism.

let me know if you want a full review of any.

wishlist (so don't yell at me for not watching them yet):
wallace & gromit in the curse of the were-rabbit
house of wax (1953) - classic horror with vincent price

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

off the top of the fish

today the sun has finally reached us, thin fingers of vitamin D light prying clouds apart, shifting them like continents, pausing the turn of the hurricane wheel.
how to prepare for a nor'easter of the mind:
keep quiet. catalog the cavalcade of characters filing one by one, two by two, bottle by bottle past my post. file away for tomorrow, swallow words one more time with one more glass of wine. keep slips of heat paper close to knuckles, keep pens behind your hair.

it has been raining for weeks, thin rains & hard sideways rains, slight rains & heavy loaded rains fraught with significance. the earth is trying to wash us away, convection cycles coating asphalt & neon & telephone pole with a dull gleam. eventually we will melt. before we melt i promise to say something true. before we melt i'll see you again. before we melt i will bring all things together in my center, my quiet eye, the deep places of me that have been under water all this time.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

one fish can change the future

Rest in Peace, Rosa Parks

she died Monday, apparently in her sleep.
i'm sure everyone knows her part in the Civil Rights movement, when she was arrested for refusng to move to the back of the bus.

i really do hope she's at peace; she was a strong & stubborn woman.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

first harlequin fish of the season

harlequin costume, 2005 version 1.

harlequin costume, 2005. photos by oldben.

Saturday, October 22, 2005

a-muse-ing fish

i miss my muse
love, mysfit

Friday, October 21, 2005

reality, dreams, and the Mirrormask - sometimes i love my fish

last night, i stood on the precipice of an independent theater and looked down.

after pre-purchasing tickets to an empty theater i realized that my sense of reality was proportionally skewed but i was quickly informed that it's because i'm silly, so there you go. it's amazing how the little things get out from beneath your fingertips to slip like fish down streets of the imagination - luckily i grasped this experience by the tail (def:the last showing on the last night) with blue-sparkly nails didn't let go. go on - follow my fish

i want to draw like Helena.

Helena Helena Helena

and the film dragged me back to my childhood - to hiding in the attic of school reading a book that was writing itself about me... about me... about - oh wait that wasn't me - that was the Neverending Story...

and like the Neverending Story and Labyrinth- I want to take the characters home with me. Helena and Valentine (and his tower) have joined Atreyu and the Goblin King (as played by David Bowie) beneath my bed where they dialogue with dragons - (oh wow was the dialogue sharp in this film (cue sexy brogue): "I'm a very important man - I've got a tower"--- :) ---"I don't know where I am" "You're in another one of those things to avoid in life" "What's that?" "Trouble") - and keep me up all night with their music.

did i mention the soundtrack yet? the creepiest rendition of "close to you" ever and the rest: fan-tas-tic!

needless to say at this point - i loved Mirrormask - loved that the art of film is not dead, that the story was told through style, in words and good acting of virtually unnamed actors, love that i got to see it in an old, mostly run down place called the Chez Artiste and i loved the company...

enough said about real-life, now back to your dreams dear fishies

Thursday, October 20, 2005

a fish for mysfit

Dangerous weather

she wept down in her pile of coats
he called over somewhere past Iowa but no other time zones
she laughed & dragged strangers to meet me wearing black
he hailed from London & dug deep in my false red hair
& we drank walking on the waters of here-too-long & full of tales

& when morning sidles up clutching late-night snow like a baptism shift
her full-moon blooming a virgin eye in heaven
she called me over waves of brightness like a heat haze
she spoke in terms of waiting voice crackling like a hearthfire
& she revealed to me her morning was a loss we were exposed

& when all these faces break like waves on the walls
she makes them eggshell walls alley walls punctured with memory's postcards
she builds me a gallery & I draw her down into letters
& she steals him & he flashes in the fiery pan & fades
like a breaker at our kissing toes in grey sand

Autumn 2002

monster fish

in the interests of the season, both political & festival, i share with you Clear the Air's reinvention of the Monster Mash.

the Climate Mash. ta-da!
my favorite part was the zombie elephant.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

punksong fishhead

everyone wants to be audrey hepburn
but if they all were her they'd all be dead

flick fish

there are a couple of films up-&-coming that pique my interest in one way or another:

Stay, with Ewan McGregor & Naomi Watts (who i still remember most fondly as Jet) looks weird & disturbing & promising.

the Weather Man, with Nicholas Cage, looks like it's one of those that'll bring the best out of Cage's slightly OCD deadpan style. besides, it's got Michael Caine, & fast-food projectiles.

i didn't read Shopgirl when it came out, though i remember being interested, but i'll probably check out the film--it'll be interesting to see Steve Martin performing in his own story, & i've not yet not dug anything by Jason Schwartzman (ah, Rushmore) or Claire Danes (remember My So-Called Life?)

&, with surprisingly little fanfare, the Doom movie comes out this weekend. i have a weird respect for the Rock (how cool would he be as He-Man? all he needs is the blond pageboy wig.) & will probably see this in the long tradition of wow look at all the explosions. besides, i played Doom as a kid...

there was one more, dammit, but i can't recall it at this time. i think i caught a trailer while watching Jon Stewart ever-so-gently tear into Bill O'Reilly on the Daily Show last night. it was intense. lesser things seem to have escaped my mind.

p.s. Bill Nighy's playing Davey Jones in the new Pirates of the Caribbean.

p.p.s. did everyone here about UNICEF's Belgian tv spot? featuring the shock-&-awe annihilation of the Smurf village? yes? disturbing.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

murakami fish

In these dreams, I'm there, implicated in some kind of ongoing circumstance. All indications are that I belong to this dream continuity...

I wake up, but where? I don't just think this, I actually voice the question to myself: "Where am I?" As if I didn't know: I'm here. In my life. A feature of the world that is my existence. Not that I particularly recall ever having approved these matters, this condition, this state of affairs in which I feature. There might be a woman sleeping next to me. More often, I'm alone. Just me and the expressway that runs right next to my apartment and, bedside, a glass (five millilmeters of whiskey still in it) and the malicious--no, make that indifferent--dusty morning light. Sometimes it's raining...Maybe I'll stretch, nice and slow. Enough for me to be sure I'm myself and not part of something else. Yet I'll remember the feel of the dream. So much that I swear I can reach out and touch it, and the whole of that something that includes me will move.

Haruki Murakami, Dance Dance Dance, chapter 1.

Monday, October 17, 2005

fish in autumn colors

on Sunday oldben & i went on the seasonal Quest for the Pumpkin, which will, theoretically, become a jack-o-lantern sometime betwixt now & halloween weekend. this is only a theory, mind you. the hypothesis is yet to be tested. i don't remember the results of last year's empirical queries.
(note to fish: oldben? did we have a jack-o-lantern last year?)

happy pumpkin straw man, Holmdel, NJ.

we did in fact achieve our goal, albeit after sloshing around in a muddy farm field fraught with the aura of rotting pumpkins.
i love this time of year.
the grail itself is 22 lbs. & somewhat asymmetrical, but with a nice cheerful stem.

oldben in the pumpkin field, Holmdel, NJ.

we also returned with a large bag of blushing apples & three happy small pumpkins in incremental sizes. we passed on the gourds, interesting as they were, because what can you really do with a gourd?

me with assorted pumpkins, Holmdel, NJ.
photo by oldben.

i learned about cider doughnuts, & what with the funnel cake, bales of hay, & cheap halloween treats etc. that probably date to my own childhood, we had a most gleeful time. later at the pub we talked about traveling, & money, & costumes & theater & cartoons & pumpkins.
(more photos from the expedition up on the tourist.)

continuing fish

since i've brought up Judith Miller, the NY Times reporter jailed for refusing to testify in the CIA leak investigation, on the fish before, i thought i'd mention this personal account published on Sunday in the Times, & this article analyzing the whole process thus far.

though you probably need to register to read the articles. it's worth it though, i think, & besides, the Times is a hell of a lot better than the Post, which is what i have for reading material at work...shudder.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

octoberfish (which is also the name of a beer)

thinking about past Octobers this October.
Rutgers Gardens, 2001.

Friday, October 14, 2005

dreams are fish

i've been having strange dreams in the mornings of late; maybe it's all the rain. this morning i dreamed of one who i may or may not ever see again, skimming through the high airs of the world as he is, a silver fish in the sky.

it was the kind of dream where you wonder if the other had a dream too, that somehow the loop-de-loops & resolutions were in fact as shared as they seemed.

it's better not to ask.

which reminds me that i've been meaning to mention that i saw Mirrormask last weekend. beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. i love that Dave McKean exists & is somehow improbably allowed to frolic all over my imagination & the nature of space-time. he deserves, & it may even happen, his own fish, at some point.

but as for the film, wow. it generates that kind of response. wow, floating giants. wow, the cat lady with sphinxes. wow, evil queen. wow, transformations. wow, look, Helena's following her fish.
which shouldn't have surprised me, being that we owe Neil Gaiman for that expression in the first place.

Gaiman's got a way of telling stories based on the assumption that some part of you already knows them, tapping in to those weird meta-stories; this one is sister to The Wizard of Oz, to Alice, to Labyrinth. maiden enters dreamworld, which is a weird reflection of real world, wherein she resolves something that overlaps both worlds.

it is a children's story, & the dialogue is terribly reminiscent of Jennifer Connelly in Labyrinth, particularly during those moments of realization, because...children sometimes need things spelled out for them? to answer some of the "why"s?

oldben felt that the real-world act in the beginning was drawn out too long, but, going back to the meta-story thing, it made sense to me because the real people were out there, in the (admittedly equally dreamlike) circus settings & desolate beachside resort towns (a landscape disconcertingly familiar to me). the fantastic dreamscapes are ultimately extensions of Helena (abovementioned maiden) & her grasp on her own universe.

essentially her (McKean's) bizarre, absurdist, slightly gothic black & white drawings become a world unto themselves, & Helena & her reflection change places. dreaminess ensues.

i think i'll leave the details of the story blank, because it's not terrifically original, plot-wise or dialogue-wise, but the execution of the scenes & the art have their own skewed identities, & it's more fun if you don't know it ahead of time.

dream good dreams, little fishies, as will i in my watery world. i hope. or it could stop raining, which would leave me equally pleased.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

chemicals swim like fish

hello my little fishies, i'm feeling rather contrary today so i've decided to expound upon a topic that has always irritated me. remember: opinions may not be reflected by other ichthyologists and i may even disagree with myself later today depending if this mood deepens into true antipathy. (this may seem like a trite issue, but sometimes it's best to vent about stupid things and just deal with the rest of the bullshit one has to live with.)

so i understand why some technical writers of scientific articles feel the need to relate to us lowly laymen, but seriously do they really think it works? i could do without some of these attempts at analogies as well as unsuccessful attempts at humor.

in an article about how coffee has biological benefits (good news for many Americans) this amazing analogy(simile) appeared: " like a sheriff in the Wild West by rounding up and neutralizing damaging radicals in the system." clarifies everything doesn't it? just imagine the little antioxidants wandering around your insides with six-guns and having showdowns at noon out side the Liver Saloon.

ah and if you don't actually have a sense of humor, you can at least be offensive, right? this fishy article, "Sex Done, Female Fish Stop Paying Attention" ends with "If estrogen does turn up the volume, perhaps this explains why some men don't hear their wives." not sure what this has to do with anything, but i'm laughing aren't you?

INTERMISSION: on a lighter note, check this gallery out: Under the Sea. It's cool.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

ghosts in the fish

if you're close enough to Manhattan to get to the Met anytime during the rest of this year (though for the subject matter, October's probably most appropriate) you should look into the "Perfect Medium" exhibit: photos from the turn of the last century (that would be the round the 19-aughts) that purported to reveal ghosts & the spirit world, that enlisted photography to provide manifest proof of the immaterial: emanations and auras; thoughts, hallucinations, and dreams; or the spirits of the deceased.

i haven't made it to the exhibit yet, but i'm going to try, because the images are truly bizarre, not least because they were created a century before photoshop & its kin.

Eugène Thiébault (French, b. 1825)
Henri Robin and a Specter, 1863
Albumen silver print; 22.9 x 17.4 cm
Collection Gérard Lévy, Paris

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

for all the confused fish

dear fish,

a little over a year ago, i braved the 2000 mile trek from new jersey to colorado in a blue station wagon with just about everything i owned jammed in the back or strapped on top. the trip took a few days as we drove through the night and with the help of some audiobooks, my friend and i survived without the madness usually brought on by the elements, tunnel-vision, road-rage and kansas (****).

for those of you confused about the difference between new brunswick, new jersey and boulder, colorado i have recently discovered some new info that may clarify this:

In New Jersey it is illegal to "frown" at a police officer.

In Boulder, Colorado it is legal to challenge a police officer, but only until he or she asks you to stop.

just thought you might like to know.

your friend,

(P.S. legal facts compliments of
(P.P.S.**** - note edited out by author/editor)

Monday, October 10, 2005

fifty fish, twice

this is an old October piece that seemed fitting for the season. below are pages scanned from John Yau's Forbidden Entries, published by Black Sparrow, & below that, my answers to every question. it was issued as a kind of challenge, & i believe it even made it into Mr. Yau's hands at some point that autumn. i apologize for the markings on the poem; i have a terrible tendency to make notes.

Fifty for John Yau

The air of smoke & specific light writes this signature of space. Every other air is wider. Objects once fragments of porcelain & plastic & nonsense. Found or located. They’re not separate. Each objective line now meant defines the room. I have come from a square of grass, a sidewalk patch, sandy brokenglass curbs. The visual memory of space becomes a topographical map of the inside out of my mind. I walked through light to a corner & hitched my ride in a car that won’t start. I will walk out of here in cold sunflower canopies, sundown leaves. This is where I unfold words into physics, & where I sleep. The shady fact: all else is equally possible. Atmospheres: it wears my smell in its planar wood. The names of those faces that creep, hover between my eyelids & the currents of this molecular sea. Swim with me, soft propulsion into the galaxies of speech. Words to say tomorrow. This is not home, caught in separate calendars. Schizophrenic, daydream delusional boxes, I diagram my soul on pages. To speak you would wreck you, challenge this fluttery space to change. Lines of poetics & photographs & nothing academic. The kind of awareness that watches for patterns. I am whole & part & still paying attention. Maybes are mathematically endless & I don’t know if I’m here or not. Walk as points of reference. I connect scenes in new fractals in the rebirth of my catacombed skull. I translate. I am inside my headspace & it’s inside me & I’m inside my headspace. Room of dimensions. Outside is: characters of peripheral movement, call of trains. Invisible here are bodies, holyskinned conversations left in residual cells & imprint. The only real things are translations of air, light, memories. This is the culmination of every word I’ve spoken, & theories of the unsaid. I am therefore you might be. I am also simultaneous & several other places at once. What place does not exist? To stand & creaking stretch I hold my neck taller & lift to possible conclusions. The dimnesses between sleep & sleep more musical, more montage of touch. Stage scene & burrow, multidimensional plot of interior dialogue. I spoke every centimeter into place. The electric isn’t mine, the backlog of negatives not named. I write soundtracks. I need to remember those murals of expression. I don’t care what time it is, he’s at the edge. With this scent in hand I will prepare for dreaming. Silence is a stone, is mine. This place is intersecting sound & said, will trickle over its windowsills into general cauldrons of thought. Moves litany like a music box. The texture of cloth is also the collected impulse, these three days. Driven down my spinal cord. These blocks, arrangements of gravity, naked environmental. Here I give names to physical laws, create devotional clocks to mark events. Names a portrait gallery, alleyways to tangle in a delta of body language. This place breeds names aloud & fills my space of gardens. I record calligraphy of face, pour libations of accident into running ink. There is only escape for repetition. I articulate the traveled touch & sift static for syllable. Thread a ribbon dance of possible voice, tilt my ear for quiets of the dreamlike. I’ll prepare a speech grin & wash it through gutters. Cannot predict the immediate. It means the last poise of an answer & an open throat. Everything for the first time, & I swear this happened at once. I will sleep & pretend I know, in masks, & still painting space.

October, 2001.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

puppet fish

went to see Tim Burton's Corpse Bride last night, & i have to say i expected, if not great, then at least imaginative & amusing, things from Mr. Burton, as per usual. sadly i was disappointed. it's way too long for the story, & more than a little trite.

the bride herself was the best part, & beautifully creepy. it did me good to remember that this was stop-motion animation, & not cgi, although to be perfectly honest, mostly i couldn't tell the difference.

the places where it struck me the most were the piano scenes: the "hero", a most deliciously wishywashy johnny depp, has a moment at a piano with each girl. the music actually seemed to tap into the spirit of the film, or at least the spirit it wanted to have, & i loved the idea of all the artistry that went into those little hands.

but these moments were completely drowned out, because for whatever reason, this is a musical.
& the musical numbers are pretty awful.
& i do mean awful. i twitched when the first one started.
i do admit to liking the dancing skeletons, & all those colors, but how much better if they'd just been dancing--that kind of music does not need lyrics--instead of warbling stereotypically up at the guy holding the blacklight.

ah well. got to see the theatre-screen-sized preview for the new Harry Potter. i was squiggling for joy.

besides, also watched the first couple episodes of the Muppet Show, season 1, & that was pure glee.
so who am i to complain?

once upon a fish

Once upon a time, (which is how all good stories begin), there was a girl named mysfit. Well, that wasn't her "real" name and noone really ever called her that except in print, but since this is printed I guess that'll have to do. Now, this girl lived in a far away kingdom and the only way she had of communicating with her myriad of friends all over the world was through a little weblog called "i am following my fish". It was called thus because she understood about fishes and wishes and wogs and following one to the other was about the best thing mysfit could do.

One day, mysfit realized that she had followed her fish right off the edge of the map - past the point where it said "Here There be Dragons", past all the sea serpents (which she waved at) and right off the end of the world. Other fish-followers called out to her but she was listening to thievery corp on her mp3 player and couldn't hear them yell. See what they were unhappy about, was not that mysfit was following her fish, nor even that she had fallen off the edge of the world but that she had neglected to pop into the Fish and say "CHEESE!".

so here it is, say 'Cheese'!!! good good, now a fun one: say 'meme'!!! (all of you are tagged)

misconceptions/misperceptions i had as a child (many of which have proven untrue):

1)i thought that only really special/official people could make trucks and pens with business names on them or make official documents - like these things were sacred or something. perhaps it's because i grew up with computers, but still - i have made and printed legal (and legally binding) documents in my home and there's something not quite right about that.

2)i thought people made babies by french kissing (enough said).

3)i thought that my birthday (11/19) was 5 days before christmas. this one has only proven to be false because they added more days between the two. it's amazing how there seems to be more days in the year and it still seems to go faster.

4)i thought that was i going to be really really tall (like 7ft). damn 5'4" damn being short.

5)i thought i'd be with my first boyfriend forever. that this misconception was proven false is kinda a tragedy (because love let me down) and kinda a triumph (because he was a jealous hypocritical self-righteous asshole).

6)i never thought i'd live past the ripe old age of 18. (ha! well for those of you who are counting, suddenly you have a hint about how old i am, if you care).

7)i really want to know where my flying car is. i was promised a flying car - i swear if this misconception doesn't come true in my life time heads are gonna roll! oh and why aren't we living on the moon yet? slackers.

8)when i was young i could control time with my mind. i'm not kidding. whenever i was late walking to school i would make time stand still or even go in reverse by visualizing the epitome of all clocks (digital of course, most likely atomic as well) and then i would make it do what i wanted with the force of my will alone(exhausting work, let me tell you). the weird thing was when it worked, i didn't see a living soul on my walk - no cars, no people, no cats, nothing - and i was always on time. the few times i did see a creature on my way to school, i was late because it wrecked my concentration. not because i was surprised that the creature moved but just because it was there at all. you see, though i knew i could control time, there was no way that i could control other people/creatures. the creature's mere appearence ruined the fragile mental image that time was standing still or moving backwards for everything but me. the perception that i could control time, though somewhat false originally, was only proven totally incorrect through a profound alteration in the space-time continuum. i countered the change by redefining time and the battle for ultimate time control still rages.

9)i thought i could talk to squirrels, but have since realized that they have nothing useful to say.

Well that's about all i can come up with for now: TAG! you're it!!!

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

scientific fish

the world of science seems to be having a bit of a boom at the moment.

the Nobel Prizes are currently being awarded, bit by bit, though i must say i''m not sure how i'll feel if Bono wins the peace prize for his poverty relief work...

& Jules Verne must be cackling maniacally in his grave (er, probably), because they've finally caught video footage of the mythical giant squid, & his phosporescent sea has been photographed from space.

(note from the fish: in other giant squid news, scientists have discovered incidents of male homosexuality in those big tentacly beasts. talk about mental images.)

also detected in space, an explosion at the edge of the visible universe.

Einstein's eternal (probably) equation E = mc² is officially 100 years old & still kicking (that link it to a NY Times piece by Brian Greene, who's always worth reading).

a study revealed that in deep sleep (er, not the dreaming part) your brain actually stops talking to itself. now we know it's at least possible to shut the damn thing up for a bit.

& once again i have not been in a good place to see a solar eclipse.

archaeologists in Greece have unearthed several statues of goddesses in Crete.

& the intrepid space tourist is out there, doing his thing, taking photos, having a grand ol' time. i wonder how long it'll be before we myopic poets are allowed to go? viva la luna!

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

word fish

a quick note: sorry 'bout the word verifications, little fishies. was trying to avoid making fish (who after all only have fins) type unnecessary Q's. but today i was hit with 30-plus instances of Narnia spam in the archives of the fish, & this bothers me on a number of levels.

we now return to your regularly scheduled fish.