Wednesday, November 30, 2005

unveiling of the uninspired

hallelujah, i have seen the light!!

(don't worry i only look like this on stage)

well - ok... no, not really. i am just trying to crash face first into fiction and come out standing proud. i told monkey 0 that he inspired me and this is the moment he didn't even know he was waiting for.

Ladies! Gentlemen! and the rest of you aqua-dwelling Miscreants! step right up and see the amazing - no - the astounding - (at the very least, the mildly amusing) "from the chaos journals"!! mysfit's brand-new and very own scratch fiction site!

'what is scratch fiction?' you ask.

'what are the chaos journals?'

'where are my shoes?' you wonder.

well, my dear little fishies, all these answers and more will be found sometime in the near-aquatic ataxic future (a.k.a., somewhere between the fish and chaos) so keep your eye turned to these small bites of virtuosity and the color green!!

in the meantime, i will answer a few of the questions i know you are drowning to ask.

'why are you leaving the fish?'
(jenn see, darling, do not be mad at me, i am not abandoning the fish - i am merely expanding my reach)

'why not write fiction for the fish?'
at first i toyed with the idea of keeping the scratch fiction here, where the side-bar river of links spills our fishes' virtual wanderings to the attention of those who's fish-following brings them to our rocky shores. but i want whatever crap that i tap out kept together to play with and follow as i feel like it.

'where did this come from'
as i said - it's all monkey 0's fault.

I NEEED TO WRITE. i can feel the words, ideas, characters yelling at me from the back of my mind, but they have become so muffled and weighed down in rl-shit (that's real-life, for the uninitiated) . so, stuck in the middle of two novels, a number of short stories (all deadends) and now, nanowrimo found me stuck at the end of november at like a 5k word-count with nothing left to write (so much for that idea, oh well there's always next year), i have decided that a site to which i dedicate only 15mins of forehead space to at any given time, whenever the fey mood takes me is a good thing.

it's a good thing and it's all monkey 0's fault.

'where will you begin?'
i thought you'd never ask. i was going to wait until i had redesigned the template, but i guess it'll just evolve with the writing - it's all about the words anyways, right?
to get started (remember i am not lazy, just uninspired) i decided to explore some random plot generators to see if the net had caught something to spark the forest fire - or at least amuse me for a while.

The following came from the random plot generator from Teresa Nielsen Hayden, an editor who has recently been doing some work for Tor Books.

Advice for the Evil Overlord:
I will never accept a challenge from the hero.
Advice for the Hero:
If I am captured by the Evil Overlord and escape, I will assume that he is tracking me in some manner. If I am going to the hidden rebel base, I'll first go to an alternate location, change clothing, equipment, and means of transportation, and then go to the hidden rebel base.
Advice for the Bad Auxiliary Character (Legion of Doom Troops):
Don't attack the hero alone or in pairs. The Evil Overlord hired a million of you for a reason.
Advice for the Good Auxiliary Character (Innocent Bystander):
Do not run back to get your teddy bear or puppy.
Further Evil (Advice for the Evil Empress):
I will learn the various arts of self defense and not rely solely on muscular minions to protect me.

Murphy's Laws of Combat:
-A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
-The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass. -The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.
-The bursting radius of a grenade is always one foot greater than your jumping range.

this one is still amusing me. So You've Decided to Be Evil is a "step-by-step guide to joining the forces of evil". it has everything the modern villain needs to think about in order to break into the world of complete megalomania and super-villainous. from what to wear to what to look for in a thug to where to build your secret lair. It's got everything!

for those a bit more mad-lib inclined - give this horror plot generator a shot.

well, seen you soon - somewhere between chaos and the fish.
love, mysfit

Sunday, November 27, 2005

oh what links we mortal fish attempt

with the advent of electronic mail we can now send each other entertaining junk mail at the push of a button. and though much of it is crap or the dreaded chain letters - sifting through the many emails i get, i found a few gems hiding in the javasoup that i thought might entertain a few fish along the way.

on monday, *** sent me this to start off my week just right:

on tuesday, [identity-protected] was feeling political and wanted to show me what other dissidents around the country had done in recent weeks:
WAL-MART: the high cost of low price

on wednesday, someone forwarded this out of boredom:

on thursday, {name removed} sent me this because i like family guy:
the life of larry, part 1
the life of larry, part 2

on friday, so-and-so sent me this to keep me through the weekend until monday happened all over again:
ninjai: the little ninja


Friday, November 25, 2005

and what do you see -

- in this doodle-fish?

love, mysfit

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Happy Non-Turkey Day!

alright, alright -


today we recognize and give thanks for that the good things in our life. many people apparently are very thankful that turkey is so good, that they always eat it on this day. being a vegetarian, my views on the subject are slightly different (and there is no way i'm going to give thanks for tofurky - so don't ask)

today i am thankful for my brothers and parents, for my good friends and the new friends i meet everyday.
today i am thankful that i don't have to work today or tomorrow
today i was thankful that few people go skiing on Thanksgiving so i went skiing.

gotta run and have dinner with a close friend and some new friends - so more on the ski-fish adventure later but for now, remember to pause and think about what you are thankful for today.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

a picture is worth a thousand fish

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

to absent fish...

methinks i'm going to take something of a sabbatical from the fish--all this following can be terribly distracting, & there are also deep-water, serious fish to be discovered by diving down to the reefs & abysses (abyssi?) which may, necessarily, take me away for's hard to type in a Jules Verne-esque diving suit.

but i promise colorful & tasty fish sooner than later: Shakespeare fish, Dr. Dee's mystical fish, fish on a Steel Beach, magical sparkly Harry Potter fish, the school of Michelangelo fish, medieval Norse fish stew, National Geographic's prehistoric monster fish, a continuing stream of poetry fish, Dave McKean's imaginary fish...oh the fishies that wait for us in the wintry future.

until then, Happy Thanxgiving, fishies all, & just know i'm extraordinarily grateful for the fish & all it encompasses...

in the meanwhile, entertain yourself with Google's daily videos, & here's hoping mysfit will pick up the slack, & oldben will find more time to share his illuminations.
besides which, the tourist will continue to, er, tour...with a new tourist in tow.



Part 6 (travelling through Pennsylvania at the end of 2004.)

Chapter 14: so long as I keep it there.

in the Blue Mountain Tunnel
icicle stalactites seep through the ceiling
with everything of the mountain above,
they hang like sconces along the runner lights--
& suddenly it's daylight with
caverns behind us.

telephone lines cascade down the mountainside
in rivers of bareness--
what rivers there are
are frozen.

imagine a world of pigeons
next exit.
the Tuscarora Mountain Tunnel
closed briefly
like a wink
& horns sounded as we entered.
flicker flicker.

an extra layer of boulder
left by water,
it seemed to be midway to nowhere.

I gasp
a tapestry of grass that seems to grow

cables turned silver filigree
slope up snow-dusted tree-studded
slope & draw the eye
to white-cloud runes etched
on the sky
lit by just after noon sun
sort of near the time of the solstice,
they leave spots on my eyes.

is that a country road?
it's plumper than it used to be.
trust Jesus! don't trust Jesus! trust Jesus!

the smell it this bedspread
makes all those motels
seem like years.

maybe they have been,
maybe we're moving faster
than light.

Monday, November 21, 2005

fish pauses for a moment...

I sank back into my seat, folded my hands in front of my nose, and asked the old familiar: What to do?

The same question. But now I knew I really needed to think things over calm and collected. Needed to put things in order. Needed to sort through the confused connections.

Something was confused here, that was for sure. Something was amiss...I had to untangle us. I had to recover my own sense of reality. But maybe the connections weren't confused, maybe this was a totally unrelated, new connection. Still, I had to untangle the entangled threads. In order not to break any.

Haruki Murakami, Dance Dance Dance.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

my fish just had a birthday

so, there are some benefits to getting older and one of them is a day like yesterday.

boots (ski boots, yay!)
movie (harry potter was spectacular)

i love the people who love me!

Friday, November 18, 2005

wizard fish

Harry Potter!
i love it!
& Harry Potter loves me.

(a more detailed tale will wait till i see it again...)

Thursday, November 17, 2005


it's snowing it's snowing it's snowing it's snowing!!!

(just thought i'd share)

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

clarity just confuses fish

i've been called worse things, but slacker certainly applies where the fish is concerned. technically the third contributor, i haven't really contributed much at all. jenn and mysfit have poked and prodded me out of my lethargy, however, and i will answer their challenges. since i'm sure everyone is on the edge of their office chairs to learn about me, i will begin with this most recent of revelatory memes...

5 Things

10 years ago: senior year of high school. i didn't like anyone i went to school with by then and spent most of my days hiding out in the closet that passed for a newspaper office playing minesweeper and reading star wars books (the zahn trilogy is really the only one worth reading in my estimation). i had a girl who was soon to discover the joy of college boys and leave me for one and then come back. then i left her. i also played a lot of doom2 and warcraft2. most of my friends existed in the gaming world. at that point i thought i'd be a computer programmer and married by now instead of in a band and living in sin. i think i'm much better off now.

5 years ago: halcyon days, if ever there were any. fall after college, apartment with 3 of my friends, lots of girls, drugs, and music. i learned more in the year after i graduated than i had at any school and i realized that 95% of what i thought was important was really just bullshit. had just started working at the theatre in new bizmark, a job i would hold for three years, where i would eventually meet jenn and fall in love with her belly because of the way she would slink into my office and frame herself in my door and ask me questions just so she could flirt. mmmmm...belly.....

1 year ago: two months back on staten island, working at the job i have currently. the band had begun its slow metamorphosis, and it's still metamorphosizing. we're now a three man acoustic act while we find a replacement drummer and bassist. maybe even keys. fucking gabe. he's one of the worst human beings i've ever met.

5 yummy things
ice cream
a good burger
oatmeal creme pies
jenn's belly.

5 songs i know by heart
elegy for mippy II for solo trombone by leonard bernstein
demons by sfa
spill the wine by eric burdon and war
opening theme song for bleach, second season
revelry by happy anarchy

5 things i would do with a lot of money
buy a drummer
buy a bassist
buy a keyboardist
buy a tour bus
buy a house

5 places i would escape to
a cabin in the woods
a cabin on a mountaintop
my secret underwater lair

5 things i would never wear
a bike helmet
penny loafers
women's underwear

5 favorite tv shows
family guy
daily show
arrested development

5 things i enjoy doing
playing music
watching anime

favorite toys
xbox (forthcoming)
blank paper

first time, i did it for the hell of it
sfa has been a topic of discussion on the fish recently and i've been asked to expand upon my love of them. what initially caught my attention was the cover of one of their albums, the all-welsh mwng (pronounced mane, i think). an animal skull with beard and pipe. i grabbed that and radiator at the same time and didn't listen to them for several months. i listened to radiator first, thinking it the more accessible of the two, and wondered why i hadn't listened to it sooner. the little rhodes melody was beautiful and somewhat reminiscent of the pumpkins' mellon collie, insofar as the use of mellotron. the strange, not-quite-british vocals and interesting choices in harmonies got me next, followed quickly by the lyrics. no one writes lyrics like the furries. i dunno if it's a certain quirk of being welsh or a combination of musical chemistries, but they can't be reproduced. even if you tried, you couldn't write a furries song.
contemporaries of blur and radiohead, sfa hasn't garnered nearly as much attention, but they don't seem to care. i hesitate to call their fanbase a cult following, but have you ever heard of them? their first album fuzzy logic was cut in the early/mid nineties somewhere in between kurt cobain and the bends. comparitively mediocore with a few really good songs but a great first offering nevertheless. after listening to album after album, you can hear the directions and ideas that would later flourish on rings around the world.

and the people who lie are the ones that get by
radiator. i really love this album. it's not as polished as the rest, but it's the furries hitting their stride. a solid second album from beginning to end with cameos by valentine strasser and einstein, radiator is where sfa starts to get political, and they don't hold back. the last show ended with a scathing song that i didn't know but that i will call all governments are liars and murderers. 'nuff said on that topic. all the elements are in place on radiator. the lyrics just get better and better.

i exist in flexi-time
guerilla is where sfa really delves into the electronics of it all. satellite rock. you can almost hear the 1's and 0's. they started out as a pop-techno band so it makes sense. the artwork starts to take a turn for the weird, too. the production isn't quite what it will be yet, but it's getting there. one thing that i've noticed is that, from the beginning, sfa has been comfortable and confident with its voice. the crappy songs are just as sincere as the great ones, so much so that i'll forgive them for fire in my heart, a song that prompted mysfit to say "this band sucks." we then argued about judging an artist based on one piece or song as opposed to their entire body of work. take an example from neil young. or david bowie.

pan ddaw'r wawr what???
the welsh-language mwng is tough. cos i don't know what they're singing about. sometimes, if i listen the right way, it sounds like english with too many vowels. a good deal of the music even sounds welsh...that is not to say it sounds like welsh music but that the language of the music sounds like it's another language. sense? either way, i'd only reccommend this double disc for anyone who's really into sfa.

you expose the film in me
next comes rings around the world. from the opening bars this album knocked me out. this is sfa at its best. better in so many ways than what's come before and since. i've never heard better production. the noise solo at the end of receptacle is so far outta sight i can't even see it anymore. just hear it. really. get this album.

rocks are slow life
phantom power is a whole lot smoother. the noise and effects are reduced with more attention given to arrangement. production continues to improve somehow. the songs are more epic. the thing that i like best about this album is its demonstration of the furries' range vocal abilities.

sleek as foxes in the street
a few weeks before we went on tour i picked up love kraft. i listened to it on my headphones in a hotel room in pittsburgh. back on a roll is a song about a touring band that doesn't want to go home, doesn't want to have to do anything but continue touring. pretty much summed up what i was thinking at the moment. it took me several listens to come around to the album and it continues to grow on me.
sfa is a great live show, too. the visuals are as lush as the music. they do great things with lights and sometimes wear sasquatch suits, power ranger helmets, or glow-in-the-dark-fiberoptic-looking jumpsuits. gruff threw stalks of celery to the crowd. he wanted to know how to address us for the evening and someone called jesus, so that's what he called us. they arrived at music festivals in a tank.

so yeah, that's why i like sfa.

why does my fish have to work at all?

shoot me - i hate my job some days - bad enough i get yelled at by users, but today it was a tech who doesn't understand what they hired me to do - i'm so uneasy (pissed/frustrated/worried/pissed) that i'm shaking - all this impersonal shit - i won't even face him, we work ten feet from each other and he's emailing me so i respond - i do the best i can and it's never enough... never enough...

At Your Job
-Dead Kennedys-

If your machine might slip a gear
Push this button to help it clear
Your time card says your name's Joe
But we'll call you 6-3-0

I'm working at my job
I'm so happy
More boring by the day
But they pay me

All that time spent going to school
Just to end up following-rules


Now it's time to take a break
Don't stray too far or you'll be late
Thank you for your service and a long career
Glad you gave us your best years


p.s. (because i'm feeling melodramatic) no one understands anything, why do we assume; why do we pretend - you know it's just a misunderstanding... come back come back

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

me me me me me me me

still being clever i guess, since i've been tagged (i still like the idea of internet freeze-tag though i have no idea how it would work out... )

i wrote out the incremental flashback thing back in this is a cheap version of the meme.
ha! i'm cheating. but mine's illustrated, so that's ok.

10 years: November 1995, still in the earlier throes of high school, to be honest, kinda a blur because i think had newly discovered the stoner existence. lots of wandering on the beach. ah Monique, do you still remember the Wabbit Place? i was still hopelessly in love with someone who had left me. started wearing bellbottoms that i'd found in the attic at my grandmother's house. some of my family was still alive, & some had not yet been born. everything was different yet i'm still that girl.

5 years ago:

New Brunswick, fall 2000.

drunk & confused. much drama & wine. drama. more drama. it was an intense time, as other local(ish) fishes may recall. for Halloween i had been an angel in beautiful wings & stragically draped sheets.

1 year ago: November 2004, living in Staten Island but still working at the New Brunswick Theatre (they really spell it that way). it was just sort, much like it is now, only...less exhausted. limbo-like.

NY, November 2004.

yesterday i was a recluse, disappearing into other places via the mind, specifically Renaissance Italy & cartoon Springfield. what am i hiding from? today i argue with my recalcitrant email, finish cataloguing a coin collection, make plans to see Hamlet tonight & Harry Potter at midnight Thurdsay. tomorrow will be like today only different.

5 yummy things? i like yummy things. red wine, most varieties of cheese, perfectly ripe fruit. hot mulled cider. anything i eat at a sidewalk cafe in Paris.

5 songs i know by"It's the End of the World as We Know It", R.E.M.
there are others, but dammit that counts as five.

5 things i would do with a lot of money? travel, travel, travel, open a cafe, gleefully live the independently wealthy existence i've always thought i deserved.

5 places to escape to? my mind, Paris, Santorini, a private beach just about anywhere, the moon.
5 things i'd never wear? i dunno, i'l wear anything sneakers from the 80's. most brand logos. anything that qualifies as wait i'm lying, damn. never say never.

5 favorite TV shows: (going with things actually aired on american TV, since i've already babbled about anime this week) Farscape, the Daily Show, the Simpsons, the 1960's Batman, Get Smart.

5 things i enjoy doing: writing, photos, drinking, live music, conversations. (so then what have i been complaining about?)

favorite toys: the fish, my camera, Montezuma the flax-stuffed disco frog, pretty boys, & my Kuroneko-sama bobblehead.

who to tag, who to tag...(rubs hands together maniacally):
mr. nose
skrambled egghead

hah! suckers. you're frozen till you do this thing. pbbbbth.

Monday, November 14, 2005

all about my little fish

i've been tagged by tesco - that bastard - he hates these things and i think i agree with him but fair is fair right? (in other words, tesco, be warned: always be prepared) - sorry this took so long, i'm not so good at summing my self up

so here goes:

5 Things

10 years ago: oh must we think of old times that i'd rather forget? to be honest i can vaguely place things in relation to my age at the time but i only have vaguest idea what exactly was going on 10 years ago - i was still in highschool (yes i know, i'm a young-un), so i was probably drunk and this was not long before i ran away from home to go hitchhiking around the eastern US for a summer, but enough of these blurry memories... they make me dizzy

5 years ago: would that be 2000? I was program manager of a college radio station somewhere in NJ. trying my best to not fail out of school and - woah, look at that - drunk most of the time as well. my hair changed color at least once a month at that time in my life, so it was either blonde,red,black,blue,green,purple, or shaved - the possibility of a mohawk is very strong. (What? I get bored.)

1 year ago: worst job ever; morally strong and good but ethically, mentally, emotionally and monetary suspect. you know, i don't need moral/ethical issues in my job, i have enough in my life. plus i never want to rely on a "job" that requires unpaid overtime and and questions you dedication to the "cause" when you refuse to clean the toilets. just got out here to CO and suddenly i couldn't tell you why (i know now, but that hasn't happened yet - ask me in about a year ago in another two months or so). as for my creative life, it had just been totally hijacked by two stories, the likes of which have never been seen on this planet... then it got cold.

i agree with tesco, those seem a bit out of place, like two memes have merged to make a monster meme... but whatever...

5 yummy things
yummy? in my tummy? i hate food....

ok ok - ceasar salad with chick patties(mmm, vegetable protein disguised as chicken); chocolate chip cookies, vanilla ice-cream, whiskey, stout beer

5 songs i know by heart (this one's hard as i usually know lyrics but not song names)
Rage Against the Machine: killing in the name of
They Might Be Giants: Birdhouse in Your Soul
Beastie Boys: Paul Revere
Happy Birthday
um... twinkle twinkle little star?

5 things i would do with a lot of money
kick my roommates out of my house... ok, no but I would highly encourage them to move
fly anywhere i want at the drop of a hat (and learn the language)
tuesdays would be a good time for anyone i knew
support Hamlet so he could be a ski-bum and not worry
invest in an independent publishing company

5 places i would escape to
my imagination - (well that about sums that up. as for "real" places - who cares just get me out of here!)

5 things i would never wear
crocs, crocs, anything from walmart (ever again - i know too much), crocs and um... crocs

5 favorite tv shows (kill your TV - you'll feel better about things)
Family Guy, Law and Order: SVU, do animes count as tv shows? then there's like 15 or so (Serial experiments: Lain, Shaman King, Boogie Pop Phantom, Bleach, Trigun, Cowboy Bebop, Bubblegum Crisis, etc.) - and there was this awesome show on the Discovery Channel where this older man got really excited about making historical connections

5 things i enjoy doing
writing (when i write well)
playing video games (when the game doesn't suck)
drawing, (which includes messing with pictures)
messing with people minds
yes i agree with tesco, sex is fun

favorite toys
photoshop (and thus by proxy, my computer)
my contact juggling ball
my pen (paints, brushes, markers, easel)
hamlet (oh come on - he is too a toy)
i wish i had a nail gun - i used the little palm-sized one when building the deck last winter (but if wishers were fishes - i'd have a jeep too)

five people who get this meme
oldben (still there? allo? allo?)
monkey 0

ha! so there - i hope that was informative

the fish requests

oldben! tell the fish why you love SFA!
& why you cannot resist seeing them live!
the fish needs to know!

Sunday, November 13, 2005

a fish of explanation for jennsee

more from mysfit's pen:
(this might be a poem or something like one)

over skin that’d be comfortable on me (2005)

so this space, this ten-fingered-toed, bipedal trunk with two arms and a ball perilously perched on thickly wrapped sticks; this must be me.

i don't buy outfits; i slipshod thru fabric nightmares that never perceptually fit a perception of me, my perception of what i'd be comfortable wearing.

i was right you know; you always try to dress me in your free-from-decades fashion, filtering thrift stores thru your taller-than-average frame and everything fits you even if it is ugly.

but i don't mind; i miss your open-closet presentation of repetitious color schemes that all turn black when i put them on and you always gave me red, for some reason.

but these are things that closeness amplifies and distance cannot contain; you ask me about my comfort-level shapes in sleeves of cloth but i cannot answer future fashion tips on the phone; sorry.

i once knew what i'd be the best-dressed feature in my scrap book of what i'd be wearing when i was dead but when i realized i was hiding suicidal closets in my blue room at 272, i got scared.

scared enough to leave clothes to other people and music to musical souls banging drums along the wet streets of new orleans; waiting for the poets to come home.

maybe if you dragged credit thru paris' eiffel-tower-view of ladies in lady-softened gowns, we'd find identity-laden patterns to swathe the mannequin in me.

or maybe not; looking back, i’ve hung heavy-handed hints on hangers in strangers' closets but no one’s come to my rescue yet; perhaps they don’t know where to look.

both our wardrobes betray flagrant disregards for the fashion-conscious minds of other image-conscious people; the only real difference is that you like yours and i have lost a version of me.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Chapters part 5

Chapter 12: that spoonful (inspired by)

drinking her fuschia frozen drinks she
shreds duct tape like a letter lost
or a bitter smell left on a microphone
the specter of space left by all these lights
& his voice is like frost that i've heard before
& her instruments of the dead are waking
& she will not play.

it's like baking ice, the slow degrees
in which we melt esoterically
into brocade & brick,
meaning nothing, in this room
that barely exists.
what artistry twangs in front
of our pixellated eyes
tick tick ticking into spacetime?

he loves me because I
feed him clementines
in December's first morning
with Sunday's light snow
a pale scrim over winter grass.
he loves me when the light
streams in sideways
through a clementine
& its energy & veins
are revealed.

Chapter 13: "it was bothering me, the way it was."

he wore his hood for the first part of the journey,
blue, & last night I mourned for my pixels
vanished into the bar
that was & wasn't the bar I remember.

as a result I have no choice
but to try to describe that mirror, angled,
how it threw back all those tiny lights
to the hatless & the ones without scarves.

it was his birthday party so we
ate his photograph, melting as we went.
I recognized a dragon & a few of the postcards,
& plans were made to retrieve my umbrella.

this morning a Zen breakfast of eggs & chess
taking space in garret light
like a three-dimensional puzzle of glass.
before we left I tried to relate the dream:

she was deep in the lake, bathing someone's child,
& there was a kind of glass over the world,
but everthing else was lost, like the significance
of that luminous pink gem like a flower.

I wish I could have explained
what the ring meant, before we set out
these 2-laned tree-ways
to a familiar destination.

the accoutrements of urban warfare
are out of place here in restive rivers & rivulets,
the proof is in the engine-gone-bad

fish strung in the corporate window
& neon toll-free banners pasted like so many
"Paid" stickers from the grocery store
where I am sorry you'll be missing the disco.

I haven't said anything in awhile,
I hope you don't mind driving.

Friday, November 11, 2005

do not despair, my fish

(Carrion Comfort)
Gerard Manley Hopkins (1844–89). Poems. 1918.

NOT, I’ll not, carrion comfort, Despair, not feast on thee;
Not untwist—slack they may be—these last strands of man
In me ór, most weary, cry I can no more. I can;
Can something, hope, wish day come, not choose not to be.
But ah, but O thou terrible, why wouldst thou rude on me
Thy wring-world right foot rock? lay a lionlimb against me? scan
With darksome devouring eyes my bruisèd bones? and fan,
O in turns of tempest, me heaped there; me frantic to avoid thee and flee?

Why? That my chaff might fly; my grain lie, sheer and clear.
Nay in all that toil, that coil, since (seems) I kissed the rod,
Hand rather, my heart lo! lapped strength, stole joy, would laugh, chéer.
Cheer whom though? the hero whose heaven-handling flung me, fóot tród
Me? or me that fought him? O which one? is it each one? That night, that year
Of now done darkness I wretch lay wrestling with (my God!) my God.

anime fish

haven't babbled giddily on the realm of robots & schoolgirls with superpowers in a while, & i've finished up viewing a whole range of series, so i thought i'd offer my fishy thoughts.

as its title suggests, though it's not the only implication, Noir has a classic film-noir feel somehow executed in beautiful colors with a techno-chant soundtrack. sound dubious? it's not, it's sexy. lots of unspoken character development in this one, lots of macro shots of eyes, lips, guns. (guns? yes, chicks with guns.) lots of extended stares & silent communications, so a bit slow at times, but worth getting absorbed in. hypnotic.
in brief, amnesiac schoolgirl assassin meets sophisticated Parisian assassin to form Noir, a legendary female pair of killers-for-hire. meetings & mayhem ensue, background stories unfold, secret societies (somewhat) revealed. & where does Chloe the knife girl fit in?

lovely stuff, particularly because the locale shifts from Paris to Tokyo to Corsica & back...ah the lure of other places.

Samurai 7 is based (much like the Magnificent Seven) on Akira Kurosawa's Shichinin no Samurai ("the Seven Samurai")--even the names of the samurai are the same (fun factoid).
the animation on this series is beautiful, & with a classic story like that you can't really screw up the action. highest praise: all the characters were my favorite. it wasn't even one episode, it's Kambei, next episode it's Kyozu, they were just all awesome in that little-girl-cheering-for-her-hero kinda way. beautifully beautifully done, highly recommended, even if you know the story backwards & forwards. (here's a site in English.)

check out the opening:

most recently we finished Speedgrapher, a futuristic-Tokyo anime with some unusual twists--not so much in plot or character development, but thematically. a noteworthy series will have overtones that constitute an intelligent discussion (e.g. Ghost in the Shell, Lain, maybe even Witch Hunter Robin) or an appreciation of some kind (Cowboy Bebop) & Speedgrapher definitely has both, albeit sometimes awkwardly or unevenly. still, they're big questions: what's the power of the visual medium? the photojournalist? the power of money, or desire, or the will to survive?
a strange sex-club ceremony bestows the power to destroy on Saiga, a war photographer & photojournalist investigating some high-up corruption, via his camera, now a weapon. the last thing he can photograph before his transformation is a 13-year-old Goddess carrying a virus which turns the elite who can pay for the pleasure into "Euphoria"--people who become manifestations of their most powerful, innermost desire.
intrigued yet? it gets political too--the power of the market, the role of government & the role of media...
totally worthwhile.

still absorbed in Eureka 7, which is essentially (it seems) a surfers-saving-the-world story that appeals to my youthful side, full of strangely stylized yet surreptitiously realistic animation, & have just started Black Cat (looks like an assassin series, highly appealing characters), Gantz (another life-after-death series), Shakugen no Shana (yet another life-after-death series), & Gun X Sword (a cross between Trigun & Voltron, it seems).
also just started Mai Otome, which is sort of a sequel to Mai Hime, with certain fundamental changes (like who the characters are) but with a sequel's ability to leap right into the story because the characters are already established, even if they're, er, completely different.
beside, what's not to like about warrior schoolgirls? (who, incidentally, are forbidden relations with see where this is going...)

& of course still headlong into Bleach, which for reasons i couldn't possibly communicate--i've tried--is just the coolest damn anime ever.


Thursday, November 10, 2005

things my fish are doing

my fish are busy & interesting creatures...

my 16-year old cousin is starring in a (extremely indie) movie called Mort. he even has his own imdb page. how cool is that? of course, watching the trailer meant watching my cousin get hit by a car, which was surreal to say the least...

& the blob monster that is the blogosphere has sucked up a few more of the neighborhood (used loosely) fish...
visit them & escalate the absurdities! off we go then!

Mr. Nose's Lounge

The Oliphaunt's Daily


fly my fishies! fly! mwahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

p.s. er, i've already mentioned Happy Anarchy, NaNoWriMo, & the Wahoo Skiffle Crazies, right? because these are also things my fish are doing.

the love song of the fish

because it's been rolling round in my mind, a taste of T.S. Eliot for fishies all...


        S'io credesse chc mia risposta fosse
        A persona che mai tornasse al mondo,
        Questa Gamma staria senza piu scosse.
        Ma perciocche giammai di questo fondo
        Non torno viva alcun, s'i'odo il vero,
        Senza tema d'infamia ti rispondo.

Let us go then, you and I,
When the evening is spread out against the sky
Like a patient etherised upon a table;
Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,
The muttering retreats
Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels
And sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells:
Streets that follow like a tedious argument
Of insidious intent
To lead you to an overwhelming question...
Oh, do not ask, 'What is it?'
Let us go and make our visit.

In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo.

The yellow fog that rubs its back upon the window-panes,
The yellow smoke that rubs its muzzle on the window-panes
Licked its tongue into the corners of the evening,
Lingered upon the pools that stand in drains,
Let fall upon its back the soot that falls from chimneys,
Slipped by the terrace, made a sudden leap,
And seeing that it was a soft October night,
Curled once about the house, and fell asleep.

And indeed there will be time
For the yellow smoke that slides along the street,
Rubbing its back upon the window panes;
There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
There will be time to murder and create,
And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a question on your plate;
Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea.

In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo.

And indeed there will be time
To wonder, 'Do I dare?' and, 'Do I dare?'
Time to turn back and descend the stair,
With a bald spot in the middle of my hair--
(They will say: 'How his hair is growing thin!')
My morning coat, my collar mounting firmly to the chin,
My necktie rich and modest, but asserted by a simple pin--
(They will say: 'But how his arms and legs are thin!')
Do I dare
Disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.

For I have known them all already, known them all--
Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons,
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons;
I know the voices dying with a dying fall
Beneath the music from a farther room.
        So how should I presume?

And I have known the eyes already, known them all--
The eyes that fix you in a formulated phrase,
And when I am formulated, sprawling on a pin,
When I am pinned and wriggling on the wall,
Then how should I begin
To spit out all the butt-ends of my days and ways?
        And how should I presume?

And I have known the arms already, known them all--
Arms that are braceleted and white and bare
(But in the lamplight, downed with light brown hair!)
Is it perfume from a dress
That makes me so digress?
Arms that lie along a table, or wrap about a shawl.
        And should I then presume?
        And how should I begin?

. . . . .

Shall I say, I have gone at dusk through narrow streets
And watched the smoke that rises from the pipes
Of lonely men in shirt-sleeves, leaning out of windows?

I should have been a pair of ragged claws
Scuttling across the floors of silent seas.

. . . . .

And the afternoon, the evening, sleeps so peacefully!
Smoothed by long fingers,
Asleep ... tired ... or it malingers,
Stretched on on the floor, here beside you and me.
Should I, after tea and cakes and ices,
Have the strength to force the moment to its crisis?
But though I have wept and fasted, wept and prayed,
Though I have seen my head (grown slightly bald) brought in
        upon a platter,
I am no prophet--and here's no great matter;
I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker,
And I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker,
And in short, I was afraid.

And would it have been worth it, after all,
After the cups, the marmalade, the tea,
Among the porcelain, among some talk of you and me,
Would it have been worth while,
To have bitten off the matter with a smile,
To have squeezed the universe into a ball
To roll it toward some overwhelming question,
To say: 'I am Lazarus, come from the dead,
Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all'--
If one, settling a pillow by her head,
        Should say: 'That is not what I meant at all;
        That is not it, at all.'

And would it have been worth it, after all,
Would it have been worth while,
After the sunsets and the dooryards and the sprinkled streets,
After the novels, after the teacups, after the skirts that trail
        along the floor--
And this, and so much more?--
It is impossible to say just what I mean!
But as if a magic lantern threw the nerves in patterns on a screen:
Would it have been worth while
If one, settling a pillow or throwing off a shawl,
And turning toward the window, should say:
        'That is not it at all,
        That is not what I meant, at all.'

. . . . .

No! I am not Prince Hamlet, nor was meant to be;
Am an attendant lord, one that will do
To swell a progress, start a scene or two,
Advise the prince; no doubt, an easy tool,
Deferential, glad to be of use,
Politic, cautious, and meticulous;
Full of high sentence, but a bit obtuse;
At times, indeed, almost ridiculous--
Almost, at times, the Fool.

I grow old ... I grow old ...
I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.

Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach?
I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach.
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.

I do not think that they will sing to me.

I have seen them riding seaward on the waves
Combing the white hair of the waves blown back
When the wind blows the water white and black.

We have lingered in the chambers of the sea
By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown
Till human voices wake us, and we drown.


Monday, November 07, 2005

in other fish...

(WARNING: Tangents Ahead)

on the passage of time: for no apparent reason except that it's neat, you can make a 3-D dodecahedron calendar. you know, for kids.

if you're into the history of photography, or just like old photos, or really any kind of photos (like me, except for those cheesy snapshot photos or internet profile pics showing way too much of someone else's body--look, we all know that's not you, ok?) er...anyway, photomuse has an excellent online combination of several collections/exhibits. so go look at it.

where else can you go? one of the 6-city Noisy Outlaw extravaganzas on Nov. 12. you know, for kids. (how many times can i work that in, i wonder?) i mean, how can you resist supporting a collection called in full (ahem) :
Noisy Outlaws, Unfriendly Blobs,
and Some Other Things That Aren’t as Scary,
Depending on How You Feel About Lost Lands,
Stray Cellphones, Creatures from the Sky,
Parents Who Disappear in Peru,
a Man Named Lars Farf,
and One Other Story We Couldn’t Quite Finish,
So Maybe You Could Help Us Out.
i know i can't. well, i might. i think i'm expected at a peace rally. decisions, decisions.

speaking of little things that make up bigger things, while following up on an article in the NY Times on geneology & lineage, i discovered there's a company that can analyze your genetic ancestry--& apparently the results can be quite revealing.

speaking of revelations, the Vatican has issued a statement to the effect of "being Catholic does not have to mean being ignorant."

& speaking of religions with which i am not affiliated, apparently there's a Church of Reality.
i can only hope they're ready for mysfit when she hears about this.

speaking of reality, it seems we're borrowing gravity from another dimension.

speaking of the extremely theoretical, i came across a group called Sponge that apparently spent several years "creating public experiments as artifacts of cultural engineering". their bio says:
Sitting at the nexus of several areas of socio-cultural work including investigative art, speculative design, techno-scientific research and critical public discourse, Sponge was founded on the idea that both art and its conceptualization must be immanent in everyday economy.Embedding and infusion characterize Sponge's approach to new media, matter, symbol and social capital. Sponge is both a production entity realizing hybrid media spaces and performances as well as a think tank conducting public conversations about the creation of new imaginaries...Its current research interests lie in micro-performance, responsive environments, media choreography, substrate architecture and experimental phenomenology.
though i don't think they've been active since 02, it's still pretty mindbending.

if random blurbs & news bits tend to stir your argumentative side--i mean that in a good way, & i know mine tends to twitch--than you maybe should investigate the notion of freedom of culture. it's a tasty power-up, like one of those oversized flashy pac-man pellets. woohoo!

speaking of archaic video games, All Your Base (still) Are Belong To Us.

speaking of the view from space, it seems flight patterns make pretty pictures. you know, for kids.

speaking of pretty pictures, Marvel Comics is coming out with Stephen King's The Dark Tower series. this is A Good Thing.

speaking of good things, peace rallies, wahoos & other expressions of joy, kids, anachronisms, & things that are a little unbelievable, the Wahoo Skiffle Crazies, Staten Island's premiere (i.e. only) jug band has an official website.

as for the rest, i'm off to (i quote my to-do list):
check messages, sort coins, organize contests, string a clothes-line, hang a plant & a lamp, & play with magnets.
if i didn't make lists i'd never get anything done...

news fish

-France Suffers 'Shock Wave' as Riots Spread
After 11 days of rioting, the first fatality was confirmed in France, where the rioting has spread to over 300 towns. "All told, 4,700 cars have been burned in France since the rioting began [on Oct. 27] and 1,200 suspects were detained at least temporarily". (anne? anne? are you ok?)

"The growing violence is forcing France to confront long-simmering anger in its suburbs, where many Africans and their French-born children live on society's margins, struggling with high unemployment, racial discrimination and despair - fertile terrain for crime of all sorts as well as for Muslim extremists offering frustrated youths a way out.

France, with some 5 million Muslims, has the largest Islamic population in western Europe.

President Jacques Chirac, whose government is under intense pressure to halt the violence, promised stern punishment for those behind the attacks, making his first public comments Sunday since the riots started.

"The law must have the last word," Chirac said Sunday after a security meeting with top ministers. France is determined "to be stronger than those who want to sow violence or fear, and they will be arrested, judged and punished.
"" - from the AP article linked above.

Friday, November 04, 2005

novel fish

so i know that jennsee will probably be yelling at me soon as i have many pending posts but this one is important dammit.

i joined NaNoWriMo! yes, thanks to banzai cat, i will be attempting to write a 50,000 word novel by Nov. 30th. for those of you confused: this is 175 pages of pure crap. plot snot! it's quantity not quality that counts so i've sharpened my nails, wrung out my inkjet and am planning to plunge my head into a world of imagination like there is a tomorrow and i am it.

so what if i'm four days late in joining - that leaves me 26 days (which, for those of you without a calculator at the ready, is equal to about 2000 words or almost 7 pages a day - every day until midnight on 11/30).

so what if i've never finished a novel, only short stories and never written more than 50 pages on any given story.

so what if i'm in the middle of two novels and haven't written anything in months - this ought to really piss off my other characters (serves them right for leaving me out of the loop for so long).

i'm ready, willing and able to lose my mind and all feeling in my fingers to break personal records of crap and so should you!!

fish to look forward to (or as my fish likes to call it, FUTURE FISH): a fish of explanation for jennsee (probably something like a poem); i'll probably do another list of movies soon as i've been watching some good ones lately; also tesco tagged me and i am in the process of responding to his taunts so there's one coming up called "all about my little fish";


Tuesday, November 01, 2005

episodes of strange and unusual fish:lost&found

so i found my lost book and inside were all the words i had taken apart to put my thoughts back together.

when i moved out to colorado i started a new book and had sworn to finish every page by the end of one year in order to document a year of my life. however, i stopped writing and lost the book for a while so it may last me a while longer. i guess i'm alright with that.

some titter-tatters:

"if there is time i will wrap windows in flower-covered sheets to block out the sun but not the heat from flipping through memories. should i isolate while editing through year-long thoughts or should i inundate the fish with words without connections? should i draw out each thought, wrap it in techno-paper and share it with around-the-world strangers on the edge of their seats? waiting, watching, creating copy after copy of my alphabet ramblings and learning to talk backwards.
Ice Floats,
therefore we exist.
i remember you. all parts of me have been 'you' before. they have not forgotten."

all those calendar fish

there is a new moon.
today is the Day of the Dead,
All Saints Day,
& Samhain.