Friday, February 24, 2006

sometimes i catch myself talking to myself...

You're Brigitte Bardot!

What Classic Pin-Up Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

a fish for a monkey

Spring and All
William Carlos Williams

By the road to the contagious hospital
under the surge of the blue
mottled clouds driven from the
northeast-a cold wind. Beyond, the
waste of broad, muddy fields
brown with dried weeds, standing and fallen

patches of standing water
the scattering of tall trees

All along the road the reddish
purplish, forked, upstanding, twiggy
stuff of bushes and small trees
with dead, brown leaves under them
leafless vines--

Lifeless in appearance, sluggish
dazed spring approaches--

They enter the new world naked,
cold, uncertain of all
save that they enter. All about them
the cold, familiar wind--

Now the grass, tomorrow
the stiff curl of wildcarrot leaf
One by one objects are defined--
It quickens: clarity, outline of leaf

But now the stark dignity of
entrance--Still, the profound change
has come upon them: rooted, they
grip down and begin to awaken

Thursday, February 23, 2006

a little fishfood for your funnybone

this is brilliant! the cheesy metal band HammerFall did this vid with the women's swedish curling team, in hopes of inspiring them to win gold in torino. Keep watching - it just gets better and better (or at least funnier and funnier).

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

historical fish

ah, i was wondering when They would get around to rewriting history.

apparently, a virtually secret "reclassification" process has been going on at the National Archives since 1999, albeit much accelerated during the tenure of this current circus--i mean, administration.

because it's really really important that already-published documents on the secret plan to float propoganda balloons behind the Iron Curtain are kept from inquiring eyes, e.g. historians & their ilk. dangerous types, historians.

or perhaps it's because some of the docs are embarassing?
ok, the C.I.A.'s assessment on Oct. 12, 1950, that Chinese intervention in the Korean War was "not probable in 1950," was proved horribly wrong when two weeks later, on Oct. 27, some 300,000 Chinese troops crossed into Korea, but really, there's so much happening right now that would seem even more embarassing...vice-presidents with shotguns, selling port control to the Dubai company...but then, what do i know?

"God cannot alter the past, though historians can." --Samuel Butler

russian fish

normally i'm not a horror-film-goer (i get nervous, i have enough already in my head to be panicked about, why add gore & jumping-out-things & dark corridors?) but Night Watch, which i think i've mentioned before, just looks too bizarre & inventive to resist. besides, it's technically described as "the first chapter in an epic fantasy trilogy", & we know i can't resist that.

& the first review i've seen says "good", & it's showing at the same theater where we saw Mirrormask...

(more info & a trailer not in quicktime...)

also, anyone remember me mentioning A Scanner Darkly? like, a year ago? yeah, new trailer for that, that's one night this summer i'll be happily inventing paranoiac reeves notwithstanding. (however dystopian my pretend future may be, i it's my future & i can keep kenunu out of it.)

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

WTF?!?!?! Fish

and how about selling a halfdozen US ports to the UAE? must've sounded like a good idea to someone....

anticipating fish

the teaser trailer is out for the much-anticipated Clerks 2 from Kevin Smith.
i think that's all that needs to be said about that.
for now.


Friday, February 17, 2006

one little fish rant

ok so i'm a bit pissed off and don't know what to do about it. it seems like such a little thing - especially given the state of freedom in the world and in our country - but it's irritating the hell out of me, so i thought i'd share...

i never run updates from Adobe, for a number of reasons, and stay as far away from .pdf's in my personal life as possible (because i believe they are spawns of the devil) - so of course, when i wasn't thinking and ran the update, it crashed the program right out from under me and, Murphy be praise, right when i needed it.

being the good little tech that i am, i uninstalled the program, went to, followed the links to get to the installation of the free Adobe Reader and BAM!

they, oh so casually, invaded my privacy...

after clicking on the link to get to the installation files ("for MACs and Windows), the window came up with the "installation for your current OS" and there was the installation file for XP and no other link.

as far as i am concerned, once i buy a computer, it is my property and once i buy software, it too becomes my property. scanning my machine to find out what OS i am using (even for the simple marketing reason of making sure that i, as the customer, receive compatible software) without my permission is like someone walking into my house without my permission just to take a look at what i own - all they had to do was ask.

in the wake of Microsoft's announcement that running updates from their site scans your machine to find "legitimate" software and all of the issues with spyware, adware and pop-ups, you'd think companies would be more careful and that people would raise bigger stinks about these invasions. but there is a fine line between planning marketing strategies to outwit stupid people from sabotaging their own systems and trying to catch pirates. so fine, that most people hardly even bother to care.

in other circumstances, i would boycott Adobe products - however, pdf's happen (sad but true) and no one else has software to deal with them - and as far as image manipulation software, Adobe PhotoShop and Imaging are among the best. as for taking them to court, i'd not only lose because the scan really was innocuous, but i'm poor. sometimes i wish i knew hunter s. thompson - he'd be able to do something about this - but he shot himself - so i'm stuck ranting to you, my dear little fishies and maybe i'll write a letter (for what little good that may do).

ok - i'm done now. thanks for reading.

to recover, click on the link below and enjoy the shirts and sexy nerds:

Thursday, February 16, 2006

am i lazy for not posting poems of my own?

Stephen Dunn

Relax. This won't last long.
Or if it does, or if the lines
make you sleepy or bored,
give in to sleep, turn on
the T.V., deal the cards.
This poem is built to withstand
such things. Its feelings
cannot be hurt. They exist
somewhere in the poet,
and I am far away.
Pick it up anytime. Start it
in the middle if you wish.
It is as approachable as melodrama,
and can offer you violence
if it is violence you like. Look,
there's a man on a sidewalk;
the way his leg is quivering
he'll never be the same again.
This is your poem
and I know you're busy at the office
or the kids are into your last nerve.
Maybe it's sex you've always wanted.
Well, they lie together
like the party's unbuttoned coats,
slumped on the bed
waiting for drunken arms to move them.
I don't think you want me to go on;
everyone has his expectations, but this
is a poem for the entire family.
Right now, Budweiser
is dripping from a waterfall,
deodorants are hissing into armpits
of people you resemble,
and the two lovers are dressing now,
saying farewell.
I don't know what music this poem
can come up with, but clearly
it's needed. For it's apparent
they will never see each other again
and we need music for this
because there was never music when he or she
left you standing on the corner.
You see, I want this poem to be nicer
than life. I want you to look at it
when anxiety zigzags your stomach
and the last tranquilizer is gone
and you need someone to tell you
I'll be here when you want me
like the sound inside a shell.
The poem is saying that to you now.
But don't give anything for this poem.
It doesn't expect much. It will never say more
than listening can explain.
Just keep it in your attache case
or in your house. And if you're not asleep
by now, or bored beyond sense,
the poem wants you to laugh. Laugh at
yourself, laugh at this poem, at all poetry.
Come on:

Good. Now here's what poetry can do.

Imagine yourself a caterpillar.
There's an awful shrug and, suddenly,
You're beautiful for as long as you live.

a bowl of serial - no milk

warning - may contain nuts.

so finally, after about four partial starts, a month and a few headaches, i finished the second part of "Miles and Miles".

(yes, I know monkey 0 - i should have taken your advice, but you don't have to gloat about it and i promise i will stop ignoring the tags)

if this was not the one you voted on - too bad. and if you have no idea what i'm talking about, get with the program, man and check it out!


Wednesday, February 15, 2006

MORE disco fish!

a sing-along to brighten your day:
He-Man does "What's up?" & sings his lil cartoon soul out.

(by the by, apparently international types can watch google videos here.)

quick fish

hey fishies, i have a question:

before i invest any more energy into my portrait gallery, i need to know...are comments at all possible? because they don't seem to be. i mean, they are for me, but for others...i don't get it.
i admit i am baffled.

anyone else? comments? no?

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

happy f***ing VD

why do i hate this wonderful day of love and kisses?

is it because i don't have a romantic bone in my body? no.

is it because i'm all alone on this day set aside to celebrate that we cling to each other to get through life? no.

is it because i've never had anyone do something nice for me on this day for people to do something nice for someone special? no.

it is because i don't feel special? no.

i have long been in a battle against valentine's day but i can't fault other people for their desire to participate in this highly successful consumeristic attempt to make a good deal of people very depressed and make the rest of us spend our money on something - anything - or else... as a co-worker put it, "i'm not into this whole romantic thing, i just like the candy."

here's my advice: if you feel obligated to do something nice for your sweetheart, you should do it the day or a week before or even the day after valentine's day (though if your sweetheart buys into this shit, this may not be such a good idea - you wouldn't want to give the indication that you forgot or waited for after-holiday sales, would you?). a dozen roses given on any other day would mean a little more than anything given on this day. and fuck roses - find out her favorite flower and give her a bunch of those. oh yeah, and fuck hallmark.

granted, my war is ultimately fruitless and like last year, sometimes my protests fall flat on their face - but at least i try. and it's not like i'll disdain from appreciating gifts on this day, but i just would rather receive them on any other day - is that so bad?

i'm sure hamlet appreciates that i expect nothing from him, will not be disappointed if we do nothing and would rather eat fast food than fancy feast today. and i am not alone.

thanks to carl v. for leading my fish to the anti-valentine's cards shown with this post.

however, in my quest to despoil this "holiday", to come up with something unromantic and anti-vd to do, i have realized that perhaps ignoring the day altogether would be, if less fun, than at least more effective.

perhaps i hate valentine's day because i am a hopeful romantic: i want to believe that romance is more than obligation; that people, on the whole, do nice things for their sweethearts because they want to; and that they don't need a reminder. i want to believe things i know to be false. so? i'm still not a hopeless romantic.

perhaps i hate valentine's day because i don't want to be reminded that we take each other for granted. i never said that i wasn't idealistic.

the hopeless romantic.
i have never understood this description. helpless - maybe. hapless - definitely. but hopeless? it's impossible to remain a romantic for long without hope.

so whatever you decide to do - try not to let a little thing like VD get you down and remember:

Monday, February 13, 2006

winter fish

it snowed here.
a lot.

update: more photos of snow up on the tourist.

Sunday, February 12, 2006


because it came up in conversation last night, & it was driving me crazy that i couldn't remember half of it.

The Walrus & the Carpenter

The sun was shining on the sea,
Shining with all his might:
He did his very best to make
The billows smooth and bright—
And this was odd, because it was
The middle of the night.

The moon was shining sulkily,
Because she thought the sun
Had got no business to be there,
After the day was done—
"It's very rude of him," she said,
"To come and spoil the fun!"

The sea was wet as wet could be,
The sands were dry as dry.
You could not see a cloud, because
No cloud was in the sky:
No birds were flying overhead-
There were no birds to fly.

The Walrus and the Carpenter
Were walking close at hand;
They wept like anything to see
Such quantities of sand:
"If this were only cleared away,"
They said, "it would be grand!"

"If seven maids with seven mops
Swept it for half a year,
Do you suppose," the Walrus said,
"That they could get it clear?"
"I doubt it," said the Carpenter,
And shed a bitter tear.

"O Oysters, come and walk with us!"
The Walrus did beseech.
"A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,
Along the briny beach:
We cannot do with more than four,
To give a hand to each."

The eldest Oyster looked at him,
But never a word he said:
The eldest Oyster winked his eye,
And shook his heavy head—
Meaning to say he did not choose
To leave the oyster-bed.

But four young Oysters hurried up,
All eager for the treat:
Their coats were brushed, their faces washed,
Their shoes were clean and neat—
And this was odd, because, you know,
They hadn't any feet.

Four other Oysters followed them,
And yet another four;
And thick and fast they came at last,
And more, and more, and more—
All hopping through the frothy waves,
And scrambling to the shore.

The Walrus and the Carpenter
Walked on a mile or so,
And then they rested on a rock
Conveniently low:
And all the little Oysters stood
And waited in a row.

The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes- and ships- and sealing wax-
Of cabbages- and kings—
And why the sea is boiling hot-
And whether pigs have wings."

"But wait a bit," the Oysters cried,
"Before we have our chat;
For some of us are out of breath,
And all of us are fat!"
"No hurry!" said the Carpenter.
They thanked him much for that.

"A loaf of bread," the Walrus said,
"Is what we chiefly need:
Pepper and vinegar besides
Are very good indeed—
Now if you're ready, Oysters dear,
We can begin to feed."

"But not on us!" the Oysters cried,
Turning a little blue.
"After such kindness, that would be
A dismal thing to do!"
"The night is fine," the Walrus said.
"Do you admire the view?"

"It was so kind of you to come!
And you are very nice!"
The Carpenter said nothing but
"Cut us another slice:
I wish you were not quite so deaf—
I've had to ask you twice!"

"It seems a shame," the Walrus said,
"To play them such a trick,
After we've brought them out so far,
And made them trot so quick!"
The Carpenter said nothing but
"The butter's spread too thick!"

"I weep for you," the Walrus said:
"I deeply sympathize."
With sobs and tears he sorted out
Those of the largest size,
Holding his pocket-handkerchiefs
Before his streaming eyes.

"O Oysters," said the Carpenter,
"You've had a pleasant run!
Shall we be trotting home again?"
But answer came there none—
And this was scarcely odd, because
They'd eaten every one.

Lewis Carroll,
from Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There, 1872.

Friday, February 10, 2006

disco fish

i don't know what it is, maybe the boots, maybe the disco, maybe the harmonies, maybe the silliness of it all, but listening to ABBA just makes me ridiculously giddy & prancy & dance-aroundy & sing-at-the-top-of-my-lungsy.


i know, i know, but i am not ashamed.

listen to some snippets & tell me you don't feel compelled to prance.

i have very fond memories of this crap, that could be it.

or it could be the boots.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

desires of the fish

this fish wants to go to Bonnaroo!

this fish wants a new government.

this fish wants this beautiful weather to continue.

this fish wants to stop global warming.

this fish wants some new reading material.

this fish wants a new white sweater with something slinky underneath.

this fish wants a working stereo.

this fish wants... (shhhh that one's a secret.)

this fish wants to finish sorting all these photographs.

this fish wants to meet David Bowie.

this fish wants Rutgers to love me again.

this fish wants the pain to go away.

this fish wants this magazine because this fish loves Annie Leibovitz.

this fish wants a clearlensectomy, someday.

this fish wants to go to St. Augustine, & Vancouver, & Amsterdam, & Britain, & & &...

this fish wants to dance.

Monday, February 06, 2006

"a field-resourcefulness exercise?"

hysterical, misguided, bloody brilliant:
LSD tested on British Troops.

(screencap from the video)

(bonus points for attributing the quote that titles this fish.)


(a sort of response to my last post)

For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press three. ~Alice Kahn

Technology... is a queer thing. It brings you great gifts with one hand, and it stabs you in the back with the other. ~C.P. Snow, New York Times, 15 March 1971

I like my new telephone, my computer works just fine, my calculator is perfect, but Lord, I miss my mind! ~Author Unknown

The production of too many useful things results in too many useless people. ~Karl Marx

The factory of the future will have only two employees, a man and a dog. The man will be there to feed the dog. The dog will be there to keep the man from touching the equipment. ~Warren G. Bennis

It is questionable if all the mechanical inventions yet made have lightened the day's toil of any human being. ~John Stuart Mill

Civilization advances by extending the number of important operations which we can perform without thinking of them. ~Alfred North Whitehead

The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom. ~Isaac Asimov, Isaac Asimov's Book of Science and Nature Quotations, 1988

The system of nature, of which man is a part, tends to be self-balancing, self-adjusting, self-cleansing. Not so with technology. ~E.F. Schumacher, Small is Beautiful, 1973

I am sorry to say that there is too much point to the wisecrack that life is extinct on other planets because their scientists were more advanced than ours. ~John F. Kennedy

The most important and urgent problems of the technology of today are no longer the satisfactions of the primary needs or of archetypal wishes, but the reparation of the evils and damages by the technology of yesterday. ~Dennis Gabor, Innovations: Scientific, Technological and Social, 1970

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity. ~Albert Einstein

and for a look into just how right Einstein was, check out this link - especially funny for anyone who has done any type of tech support - but anne is right, there are idiots on both ends of the phone...

Sunday, February 05, 2006

my fish chats online with tech support

You are now chatting with 'Tech Support'

Tech Support: Good Day
you: hi
Tech Support: how can we help you?
you: I just got a brand new USB 2.0 datastick Pro
Tech Support: ok
you: i put some files on it last night
you: after some doing, since it crashed my computer first
you: and when i plug it into this computer found hardware says it's fine
you: and installed and ready to use, but when i try to access it - it offers to format the drive
you: I have windows XP pro - should i try to down load the drivers
you: from your support site?
Tech Support: you don't need driver with XP
you: so it says but then why is it trying to format the USB stick?
Tech Support: can you call our tech support Dept at 1-800-9 C****N they can trouble shoot it for you
you: what? aren't you tech support?
(long pause)

(a little later i got a response from them and we chatted amicably enough, getting past the mutual 'you're an idiot' attitude - my theory is that at this point in the conversation, the 'tech support' person went and got someone else)

Friday, February 03, 2006


Bush Request Would Push War Total to $440B

i'll leave it to this guy to explain a few of the many reasons why this sucks, via oreos.

a fish for my folks...

time machine for wine?

we're talking about aging & vintages here:

Top producers mature their brews in oak barrels; connoisseurs will keep a bottle in the cellar for years so they can savor the complex bouquet at its peak.
For Hiroshi Tanaka, all that waiting is just a waste of time -- and he says he's got the machinery to prove it.

i don't know if i believe it, but Hiroshi Tanaka, president of Innovative Design and Technology, "claims to have perfected a machine that can transform a bottle of just-fermented Beaujolais Nouveau into a fine, mellow wine in seconds, all by zapping it with a few volts of electricity."

because apparently, "In the natural maturation process, the taste of wine is enhanced by the mixture of alcohol with water molecule clusters, Tanaka says.

Though the exact mechanism of water molecule clusters remain a matter of scientific debate, Tanaka claims the electrolysis treatment instantaneously breaks up water clusters in the wine, allowing the water to more thoroughly blend with the alcohol."

craziness. & if it works...fabulous cheap wine for all? at the price, perhaps, of the wine culture? hmmmm...the implications...

Thursday, February 02, 2006

my fish agrees with the scientists

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Mysfit!

  1. A lump of mysfit the size of a matchbox can be flattened into a sheet the size of a tennis court!
  2. It's bad luck to whistle near mysfit.
  3. American Airlines saved forty thousand dollars a year by eliminating mysfit from each salad served in first class!
  4. Scientists believe that mysfit began billions of years ago as an enormous ball of dust and gas.
  5. In Japan it is considered rude to talk with mysfit in your mouth.
  6. It takes 8 minutes for light to travel from the Sun's surface to mysfit!
  7. Mysfit cannot burp - there is no gravity to separate liquid from gas in her stomach!
  8. Mysfit was first grown in America by the grandmother Maria Ann Smith, from whom her name comes.
  9. Some people in Malaysia bathe their babies in beer to protect them from mysfit.
  10. Mysfit kept at the window will keep vampires at bay!
I am interested in - do tell me about

if the fish don't know, the groundhog will?

so it's official:
Phil Says Six More Weeks of Winter!
Phil's official forecast as read 2/2/06 at sunrise at Gobbler's Knob

here's a bunch of silly looking men:

for some reason they remind me of The Napoleon of Notting Hill

(oh and about jenn see seeing her shadow - when a marmalade fetcher sees her shadow in february, and depending on the amount of spunk inherent in the fetcher - this one is near to bursting - it means that there will be intermittent rains of fish sandwiches as well as six more weeks of 'blue mountain spotting' - they float through the clouds, you know)

don't know what this means for the weather, but...

jenn see has seen her shadow...

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

i've been advised that my fish misses me...

in case you were wondering this comes out on dvd on february 14

ah february - a month of ups and downs.

no doubt some of my friends from college will be journeying tomorrow to a small town in Pennsylvania to see an overgrown rat who has gotten too big for his britches, if you ask me. lives hang in the balance as these 'grown-ups' bet their life-savings and at least two hats on whether Punxsutawney Phil (the groundhog) will see his shadow. as i understand it, if he doesn't then it means we will have six more weeks of winter, right? w-e-ll - HAPPY GROUNDHOG'S DAY! to all my little fishies. (just between you and me - this is, by far, one of my favorite holidays - shhhhh...)

more implies that it's been winter right? i don't know where you are, but it has snowed twice here. TWICE! ok ok, so the mountains (you know, the rocky ones) have been slammed with snow and this has been one of the best ski seasons in decades, but we poor folks who huddle at the base of these behemoths of dirt and stone are still waiting for the winter wonderland we were promised as children. (by the way, i went skiing on monday and fell off a cliff. ok, so slid down a cliff is more accurate, but the nice fluffy powder caught me, so i'm only a little bruised, thanks for asking)

nope, i didn't have a white christmas at all - granted my delightful family and i celebrated christmas last weekend in L.A. but you get my drift.

oh yeah, this means that christmas
over!!! yay!

i got an Epson stylus Photo r220 printer (which even survived the plane ride home), a USB memory stick and an espresso machine! so, as you may have guessed i am in the market for a new digital camera that takes good pictures of espresso beans and steams (soy) milk. suggestions welcome, but not necessarily adhered to.

the best was i gave my one of my bros a mask:

but didn't feel like taking it with us. so Hamlet and I snuck into his house (using the conveniently hidden key on my keychain) and took pictures of it all over the house to make a card for him. we then left the mask casually leaning in a corner of his guest bedroom, uncovered and totally unhidden. i figured he never went in there, but when we went to hang out with him before heading for the flight, he went in the room at least four times but never noticed the three-foot-tall mask. So, my plan, which was doomed to fail, succeeded beautifully.

The End.

i know you people have been waiting, sitting on the edges of seats in places i can hardly imagine, for more chaos journals - for the stories i promised a mere week or so ago. i know i know, but don't get your undies in a bunch - they will out and all; chaos has it's roots in the fish, and it's my fish, so don't despair.

as for the downs of this month, don't look now but black death day (a.k.a. valentine's day) is creeping up on us. last year i ate mickey d's and watched a horror movie and now, i'm trying to figure out what to set fire to for this year. again, suggestions are welcome, but most likely will be ignored.

all opinions expressed in this, well frankly, rant are the opinions of the voices in my head and have little or nothing to do with reality - except the printer and the caffeine-machine, those are very real - oh and the dates: though time is merely a figment of a masochistic mind, they too exist - because, believe what you must, but i can't argue against the existence of minds: minds take up a lot of space in the cosmos, so much so in fact that many galactic clusters have outlawed them entirely.
so until my fish swings me back this way: Peace!
-mysfit signing off

artist fish

Who Should Paint You: M.C. Escher

Open and raw, you would let your true self show for your portrait.
And even if your painting turned out a bit dark, it would be honest.

the artist & the fish

stolen from tom because this amuses me to no end.

Who Should Paint You: Pablo Picasso

You are an expressive soul who shows many emotions, with many subtleties
Only a master painter could represent your glorious contradictions